Girl Meets Goodbye, Riley

eleven.

Lucas

I didn't slow down my pace. My breath remained agitated. My hands shaking. My hearth beating as hard as it possibly could. I keep on walking as fast as I did as soon as I left Maya's room after she kicked me out, that I lost track of where I was. I just knew I kept on walking, almost running, until my lungs forced me to stop at a lonely alley to catch some air.

I dropped to the floor as I did my best to breath and, as soon as there was enough oxygen on my brain to function, I kicked a trash can with all my strength as the thoughts and emotions made themselves clear inside my head.

How could I be so stupid?

How could I let my feelings take over me again?

I had spent all night and day figuring out how to make things right with Maya, and I had done that right before I let my stupid feelings control me once more, making me kiss her again. Right after apologizing for doing it for the first time. Only this time, I knew why I had done it. I liked her. I really did. And I wasn't going to walk out without fighting one last time for us.

What I didn't count on was that Josh was going to appear and see the whole thing, only making my effort to make her accept that she felt something, go straight to trash.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I couldn't leave things like that, but now I was completely sure that Maya would never want to see me ever again.

Luckily for me, enough air had entered my body to make me realize what I needed to do to fix things up. That's why, without hesitating a second, I stood up and began running this time. I needed to talk to him.

Three blocks and two subway stops later, I made it just in time to the field to hear the coach's whistle announcing that the practice was over.

I walked this time, approaching the field's entrance from the dressing rooms as the guys passed me while my eyes kept lock to the only person I cared about. He exchanged a few words with a guy drawing a smile on his face that immediately erased itself as he turned,  making his eyes look at me. He gasped as he began taking off his batting gloves and slowly started walking towards me. I took a few steps hiding my hands in my jackets' pockets until I stopped for good as he did the same once we were in front of each other, creating a big silence that lasted for what felt like hours.

—I didn't know who else to go to, Zay.

I finally spoke, but that didn't change the serious look on his face. I knew then that he knew everything and he was judging me right now. I don't blame him, though.

—You were my best friend —I completed.

—Were? —he raised his eyebrows—. Does that mean we're not friends anymore?

I frowned, unsure—. I-I just assumed after I walked away...

—You're right —he prompted—. Friends don't walk away. And they certainly don't make other friends suffer.

I slightly looked away—. So you know everything.

—I do. The only thing I don't know is why you did it. You knew she was with Josh and she really liked him, so why you did it? Why you kissed her, Lucas?

I took my hands out of my pockets and held them together a little nervous. I knew why I did it, I just wasn't sure if Zay was ready to hear it.

—I felt so lost after Riley left. Everything started to feel meaningless and I felt like I was drowning and nothing was ever going to be able to pull me out... until Maya and I talked. She made me feel like there was hope for things to get back to how they were and that's when I realized I hadn't felt that way since the moment she talked to me on the subway for the first time —I sighed—. And that's when it hit me that... I liked her. I have liked her since then and I didn't want to lose her again.