Dusk (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 32 - Close

Rowan's forehead met mine, his breath hot against my skin. My eyes lowered to his lips, even with the dim lighting I could see them clearly, and my stomach squirmed at their proximity.

Even though there was music playing and voices carrying throughout the courtyard, the room was quiet. My senses were all focused on the man in front of me, his breathing, his warmth, his hands.

They were on my skin, their soft touch sending heat throughout my body. Rowan leaned in closer, his lips only inches from mine. He paused, and my eyes wandered to his, wondering if I could read them like he did mine so often.

He looked like he was battling with himself, his eyes burning darkly into mine with something that he was trying to hold back. I didn't want him to hold back.

Maybe he was thinking back to the first time we'd kissed, the reason he'd ended it, thinking of all the things he couldn't say. But in that moment, I didn't care about his other secrets, I wanted to bury myself in his scent that consumed us, I wanted him closer.

Rowan started to back away, but stopped when I moved with him, his eyes flickering between mine before dropping down to my lips.

"Evan..." his whisper was low, it's deep timbre sending a new rush of butterflies through my body. I met his gaze, my fingers finding their way to his shirt, nervously fiddling with the fabric. Rowan released a breath, his eyes turning down to them. "There's... there's still things I can't tell you..."

His hand had made its way to the back of my neck, his fingers softly intertwined in my hair. I held in a sigh, still watching his eyes explore.

"That's ok." I answered after a moment, distracted by the way he felt on my skin. "You don't have to tell me."

I felt my hands tighten around his shirt. I just wanted to be close to him. I was slowly realizing that maybe he wouldn't kiss me, maybe he was too conflicted, his thoughts were running too wild to start something. I leaned into him, laying my head against his chest. It rose slowly, and he pulled me closer, resting his chin on my head.

I closed my eyes, the sound of his breathing slowly calming down my erratic heartbeat.

We both wanted more, but I knew he was torn. I knew I couldn't be the one to make it worse. We stayed like that for a while, silent, drowning in our own thoughts.

Maybe one day... I smiled at the thought. Maybe when our lives were more predictable, maybe when he wasn't fighting a battle with his coach, his dad, himself.

After a few minutes I shifted further onto my side, getting even closer to Rowan, his body heat drawing me in more and more, but he put a hand on my shoulder, and pushed me lightly away, back against the bed. My face flushed and I felt my heartbeat increase again, had I gotten too close? Rowan hovered above me, his expression unreadable.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled out, but Rowan just shook his head slowly before leaning down, gently touching his lips to mine.

My head spun before I kissed him back, resting my hand on his bicep. His grip moved from my shoulder down to my waist, pushing me further under him and into the bed. His pillows were soft, and it felt like I was falling through them as he kissed me deeper, the hand in my hair pulling me close while his tongue pushed further.

There was a faint voice in my head, telling me I was out of my element. Reminding me of my inexperience, reminding me how in high school Sonya Beckett had to hold back a laugh at said inexperience after less than thirty seconds into seven minutes in heaven.

Rowan's head lowered and I caught some air, feeling dizzy. He kissed my cheek, jawline, then neck, each spot followed by a light tingling on my skin. I watched as Rowan reached my collarbone and his hands slowly fell to the bottom of the oversized shirt I wore, lifting it and exposing my navel. I propped myself back up on my elbows, brushing aside the dark mess of my hair that seemed to be sticking out in every direction. My face flushed further as I realized that he could see me, my body, the muscles that weren't there like his, the pale color of my skin that reflected how little I exposed any part of myself.