F E I G N E D | elounor

~ t h i r t y f o u r ~

~ E L E A N O R ~

Harry stormed in the second he had a chance, and I stood aside closing the door behind him.

"Harry—"

"No. No, you don't get to look at me like that. Like I'm cheating on you right in front of your eyes. No you don't get to look at me like that and make me feel guilty when you're the one who left me. No, no, no, no." He began rambling on waving his arms in the air with every word he spoke, walking back and forth pacing the floor.

Harry finally stopped facing me and shook his head, almost like he was mad at me.

"No, you don't get to make me feel that way. You don't get to make me fall more and more in love with you everyday just to leave me to marry a some heartless millionaire who couldn't give a shit about you. NO."

"Excuse you—" I began somewhat offended on my husbands behalf but he put his hand up as if telling me to stop, he wasn't finished. My eyes widened in surprise.

"No! You just-you just can't! You can fool the whole world but you sure as hell don't fool me Eleanor. I can see right through your lies. The way you guys are with each other in the car, behind closed doors when you're away from the public eye. It's like he can only tolerate you if you two are in public!!!" He yelled, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Harry could always tell when I was lying.

"Well the public may eat that shit up but I for sure as hell do not. So tell me right here, right now what the hall is going on. You owe me the very least for what you've done to me, for what you've made me feel!!!" He spat, and I could feel my eyes begin to water.

Never once in my life did I think Harry would be speaking to me this way, so mad so frustrated with me. Maybe hating me? The very thought of Harry hating me shattered my heart, but I knew why he felt that way. I couldn't imagine the hell I've put him through.

"Harry. . ." I struggled to say his name.

He widened his eyes and shook his head as if to say well?

"You-you shouldn't be in here. Louis could come back any second." I muttered out, struggling to say the words.

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Eleanor, right now I couldn't give a shit if your previous husband found me here. He can fire me on the spot, I don't give a shit. But I'll be damned if I leave here without a proper explanation. And the truth!" He demanded.

I sighed, and sat on the edge of the bed. My eyes glued to the floor.

"Harry, all I can do is apologize. But there aren't words that express enough how sorry I am. I mean it." I looked up to him earnestly.

"No, not good enough. I need the truth."

"That is the truth!" I yelled.

"No, I need more than that though. If the roles were reversed you'd hate me and spread word all around town how I used you. You're the one who used me—"

"I never used you!!! Stop assuming things, there's so much you don't know!!! But I. Never. Used. You." I made clear.

"Then make it all known!!!" He yelled throwing his hands up in the air. "Like why Eleanor, I don't understand!!! You know how lost I was???? One day we're making plans to go out on a picnic by the river and the next you're engaged to another man!!!!! You never speak to me again!!!!! And can't tell me why?" He asked, almost gasping for air between words.

"Oh Harry. . .I'm so so sorry, I can't believe I put you through that all." I said fighting tears.

"Except you can because while I'm missing you, you go home to him everyday!"

"Harry stop!"

"No, tell me!!! Just tell me why?!"

I began sobbing and the whole time all I could hear was Harry yelling at me for an explanation. His voice was ringing through my ears, the pain and anger mixed in his voice made it impossible to ignore. It was ringing through my ears making me feel deaf to anything else. He wasn't even yelling that loudly but the sadness in his voice was so loud. . .almost screaming to be known. I just wanted it to stop.

"Tell me why Eleanor!!!"

I grabbed the sides of my head and squeezed my eyes shut trying to block out his voice. It felt like I was about to crack any second. It was just too much, my mind and my heart felt like it was about to explode.

"Eleanor!"

"Oh my God, WE'RE NOT REALLY MARRIED!!!" I finally screamed, and then nothing.

Nothing but silence filled the room. Now the silence was so loud you could hear a pin drop and it took me less than a second to snap out of my trance and realize what I had just done.

I immediately looked up to Harry who looked speechless and unsure of how to react. He looked confused, relieved? But at the same time he looked like he didn't believe me.

"Oh no, Harry. No, that's not what I meant to say." I tried to cover up what I had just revealed, but he stumbled back, still processing what I had just told him.

". . .what. . ?" He breathed out.

I sighed, feeling stressed more than ever wondering how I was going to get myself out of this situation.

"No, Harry. I mean, we are really married."

"But you just said you weren't. Which. . .everything makes sense then. . ." He trailed off, getting lost in thought. It looked like he was going back through all of those memories where Louis and I were distant.

"Harry, no one can know, and I mean absolutely no one." I begged him.

He looked to me, and pondered on what I was asking.

"You're not really married. . .you're not really married!" He kept quietly repeating to himself, his smile growing wider everytime he said it.

I rolled my eyes, and felt like pulling on the ends of my hair. What had I just done. If Louis ever found out, he would be absolutely livid. Even worse if Harry mentioned it to someone else and the public knew. Everything would be ruined and it would be completely my fault. Louis would hate me. My parents would disown me. The public would see me as a fraud.

"Harry it's much more complicated than that."

"Do you know what this means, El?!" He said with an excited smile and took my hands in his.

"It doesn't mean anything Harry!!! How can you look at me like this when a minute ago you were going off and yelling at me!" I snapped, and pulled my hands away from his.

He looked confused. "What?? Are you serious?! You keep something like that from me and you're upset because I got you to tell me the truth!!!"

I knew he was right but my pride was getting in the way of letting him have the last word. I didn't want him to be right even when he was. When he had every right to feel the way he felt.

"You might as well explain the whole thing to me, start to finish. No point in hiding anything else from me when I already know. Why keep lying." He admitted.

I sighed, and dropped my head in defeat.

He was right. If he already knew the truth why continue to lie or make up stories for him. Might as well tell him the complete truth.

"Harry, you must promise not to tell another soul. I mean this, you have to swear to me on your mother's life. If this got out, I would be ruined and—"

"El, when have I ever shared your secrets."

But that wasn't good enough for me.

"I need you to swear on your mum's life."

He rolled his eyes. "I swear on my mum's life I will not tell another human being on this planet all the information you are about to tell me."

I sighed, tapping my foot against the ground nervously. I couldn't believe I was doing this.

"Alright. . .it began. . ." I started.