In Command (#1 Post-Order 66 Series)

In Command - Part 4

Blaster bolts whizzed by her ears and the smell of burning flesh and death filled her nostrils. Screams of the dying echoed around her as she raced through the forest. The vines and brambles tore at her clothes and her long hair stuck to her neck and face. They were coming.

A branch near her head exploded with blaster fire and the splintering wood sliced her cheek and cut open her shoulder to her collarbone. She tasted blood and sweat in her mouth, but still she ran. She came to the edge of a wild river crashing against the rocks and halted, desperately looking for a way across that wouldn't break her body. It was wider than any jump she'd ever attempted, but she could hear the soldiers crashing through the underbrush behind her, drawing closer to kill her. Her friends.

Looking across the water, she saw movement on the other side. A trooper stepped out from the brush, his armor blue and white, Jaig eyes emblazoned on his helmet. Rather than taking aim with his blasters, he was shouting something at her, but she couldn't hear it over the roar of the river. He might betray her too, but it was her only option. She took a few steps back, focusing on the Force, and leapt towards the trooper. But her legs had betrayed her. The Force had failed her. He reached out towards her, but it was no use. She would fall short, plummeting towards the jagged rocks, her body about to be shattered–

Senna sat bolt upright, gasping. It was bright and she was drenched in sweat. Her hands flew to her cheek, but there was no blood to be found, just the barely perceptible scarring. She touched the more prominent one on her collarbone, running her fingers over the slightly raised skin, reminding her that the events from her dream were past. Blankets were pooled at her feet from where she'd kicked them off of her, and she was still in the dark blue dress. She was in her room, her dwelling.

"I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me. I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me..."

She frantically chanted the mantra, focusing on her breath and stilling her racing heart. Finally with a deep exhale, she closed her eyes and laid back down. She had relived that moment what felt like hundreds of times, whether replaying it in her head or having it haunt her dreams, and every time, she died a different way. Sometimes the clones caught her, sometimes she found herself at a cliff's edge that crumbled. She had been to the river before in her dream, but the clone trooper on the other side had only appeared a few times. Sometimes he stood there staring at her, other times he was trying to yell something at her that she could not hear. He never removed his helmet, and she'd always wondered what the significance was, who exactly he was.

A soft knock at the door startled her. She sat up. Rex.

"Come in." Her voice was still hoarse, and she hoped it was from the night before and not her screaming from her nightmares.

Rex quietly entered, carrying a mug of caf in each hand. "Good morning."

She brushed her hair out of her face quickly, wiping the sleep from her eyes and sitting up straighter. He walked around to the other side of the bed. "May I?"

She nodded wordlessly, and he sunk down on the mattress next to her, back against the headboard. He offered her the mug in his right hand. "I don't know that I made it quite as uh...strong as you prefer it, but I do think I put in enough sugar."

She smelled it and allowed herself a smile. "It'll do. Did you move me here?"

He nodded. "I didn't think sleeping on the floor would be comfortable."

They sat next to each other in silence for a while, quietly sipping their drinks and staring ahead. Rex finally broke the silence.

"I understand why you didn't tell me."

"I know you do. I'm sorry I threw you last night. I never intended to tell you, for both of our sakes."

"Will you ever be able to trust me?"

She looked at him. His amber eyes held such sadness even though his face remained neutral. "Rex, I do trust you. If I didn't, I never would have accepted this posting. I just..." she let her voice trail, not sure how to word it.

"You see the worst moment of your life when you look at me." He stared at the mug in his hands.

She waited a bit, letting his words hang in the air, testing them in her mind, and ultimately finding them to be untrue.

She reached out and rested her hand on his arm. "That's not it. You may share the same face, but you aren't the same people. You never were prior to Order 66. Why would now be any different? I knew who you were when I accepted this assignment. I had heard of the admirable captain who fought so valiantly alongside my friends. I just...didn't know how your story ended, and ultimately, decided I had to push that aside to complete the mission. I was afraid of the answer, but it did torment me, so I'm glad to know."

She bit her lip. "I've hidden myself for so long, Rex. I cut myself off from the Force, sealed myself away. I wanted to cut that portion of my life out of my memory because the good times and the bonds I forged with your brothers prior to that moment bring me so much pain. You are the reminder of the good, and that's what hurts. I remember the best times of my life when I see your face and the immense loss that came with Order 66. For all of us."

A tear dropped from his face and landed on his tunic. He hurriedly wiped his eyes.

"Are...are your nightmares about Order 66?" he asked quietly.

"Sometimes. Yours?"

"Sometimes. Most times. I see their faces."

"Me too."

He leaned his head back against the headboard, staring at the ceiling. "Which division were you in charge of, if you're comfortable talking about it."

She hesitated, the memories turning over in her mind, long untouched. "I never got my own division. I had just finished trials by the time the war was really ramping up. With my technical expertise, the Council decided I would be better suited in the field doing repairs and technical training. When Order 66 occurred, it was one of the infrequent times I was near the action."

"When it happened, where were you?"

"Kashyyyk. The Wookies tried to hide some of us, but I don't think they were very successful."

"How did you escape?"

"I ran. I just...ran." She absentmindedly drew her fingers along the scar on her collarbone again.

Rex noticed the scar for the first time. He nodded, deciding not to push any harder.

"So...what do we do now?" she asked.

"We do the job we were sent here for."

"Do you trust me, Rex?"

He turned to ensure he was looking straight into her eyes. "Senna, I trust you with my life."

She felt his shoulder touching hers, his body warm through the layers of fabric that separated them. She let herself sink against him a little bit. He didn't pull away.

Tipping the last few drops of caf into his mouth, he grinned a little. "What?" she asked.

"I do have to tell you though, I don't trust you with my caf. And you shouldn't trust me with the potted plants."