high school sweethearts- naegami

chapter 8

(CW!! mentions of panic attacks!)

"?!" Makoto didn't have so much time to process it, the fact their hands were touching or what Byakuya just fucking said.

"I only need you, Makoto."

It played in Makoto's head several times, the lucky (god, very lucky) boy still not really processing it. His cheeks went a deep shade of pink, his mouth slightly open as if he was trying to say something, but no words were coming out. No words to fill the void of silence in the room.

"..Naegi?" Togami said quietly, feeling his heart drop to his feet. i didn't..ruin it, did I? no, i can't..i can't fail this time, i-i can't.. His breath hitched, lips pressed together in a thin line as he tried to contain himself.

"T-Togami-kun? Hey, are you..okay?" Makoto managed to force out, he had noticed the heir's clammy palms. The other didn't answer, his head was slightly down, staring at his own lap, and his chest was rising and falling heavily. no, not here, not here, anywhere but here..

"What's wrong, Togami-kun? Do you need me to answer your question?.." Makoto faltered. He could probably do that later, right now the other needed help. Naegi had definitely had his own experiences with panic attacks before, he'd helped his sister before, but Byakuya was a strange case of trying to stop a visible panic attack and failing, which only made him panic more.

"..Togami-kun.." The smaller boy said softly, trying to stay calm for him. "Look at me.." He smiled gently when Byakuya looked up, shoulders starting to shake.

Naegi kept his gentle voice, creating a still atmosphere. "Can I put my hands on your shoulders..?"

"W-why are you- why are y-you asking me?! I don't need your help!! Leave me alone!!" He was scared, terrified of rejection and being seen as weak so he dropped Makoto's hands, seeing his own tremble.

"I'm not here to mock you, Byakuya. I'm here to ground you and make you feel safe, okay? Is it alright if I take your hand?" Makoto was patient, he didn't push for an answer and sat there, waiting calmly.

you're being different from her. why wouldn't you advance on me when I'm like this? i'm being so weak right now, so goddamn weak..

"..y-you can..take my hand."

Instead of scolding him for his stutter, Makoto nodded calmly and gently took his hand, rubbing his thumb slowly over his knuckles. "Breathe in.." his thumb slowly swiped to the right. "And out." It carefully made its way to the left, 4 beats each time.

in...

He inhaled, shakily.

and..out...

The air left his lungs once again, and his head tipped down, only for Naegi to speak again.

"You're doing great, Togami-kun..look at me and keep breathing, alright?" Soft. Kind. Never cruel, never contradicting.

For one of the first times in his life, Byakuya felt safe.

He felt his chest become more automatic in rising and falling, it wasn't so difficult to breathe if he followed Makoto and held his hand.

He loved him. So fucking much, and yet it felt so difficult to let it show. He hated that, why couldn't life just be like the movies? Why couldn't they just hold each other through the night, why couldn't he put his lips on his without feeling his sister's hands-

"Hey, hey, Byakuya..look at me, remember? Let these thoughts go from your mind..breathe in, and out."

"..." He looked up to meet his eyes, blinking slowly. Togami swallowed, as if he was pushing the intrusion in his brain down, away from his eyes that could leak tears.

"..N-Naegi."

"I'm here, Togami."