Until Then

Kabanata 28

Vestine.

Present Time. 

"Graciel, check my sched. Asap." I ordered my secretary while sipping on my cup of coffee. 

What a great day to start a day. Kagigising ko lang at nasa office na ako agad. I wasn't even able to eat my breakfast properly but I'm used to it. It has become a normal thing for me to wake up in the morning and to check emails after going to my office immediately. 

I'm done with my shot for my 7th movie in the industry. Kakatapos lang ng end party pero nandito na naman ako at busy para sa susunod na teleserye. Can't I be happy even for a while? Can't I relax for a while? 

"You have a meeting with the press in the morning at 9 AM. May meeting ka rin sa doctor mo at 3 PM." Graciel said.

Tumango tango ako. 9 AM, huh? 

"What time will the meeting with the press end? May oras pa ba ako para magpahinga?" I asked, trying not to sound rude with my last question. 

I really just want to rest. Seriously, kahit isang araw man lang. Is it too much? Will it hurt to give me a rest day? 

"Around 12 PM po."

I nodded. 12 PM. Well, I can still use the remaining time to eat outside before going to the hospital. Simula noong bumalik na sa dati ay buhay ko ay hindi na naging madali ang lahat. I don't know. Ever since my consciousness was back, everything I do felt heavy. Para bang hindi ako komportable sa ginagawa ko. 

It's like I've been stuck up something for a long time. 

I feel like there are things I should've done by now. There are people I need to see. There's. . . There's a person that I miss. Lahat ng iyan ang nararamdaman ko sa bawat pagbukas ng mga mata ko balang araw. I just. . . I just don't know why and who are those people. I couldn't identify something.

"Ma'am? Ma'am!"

I got back in reality when Graciel shouted in front of me. Kaagad ay umayos ako ng upo. I looked at her and she was confusingly looking at me. 

"Y-yes." I stuttered. 

"Okay ka lang po ba, ma'am? Should I cancel your meeting with the press?" She asked after seeing my current state. 

Halata ba na marami akong iniisip? Do I really looked so. . . so empty? I don't know now. Baka nga ay ganoon. My doctor reminded me to just take things slowly. There are various emotions I will feel from time to time because of the accident and for being comatose for over 4 months. Ang sabi nya ay balewalain ko lamang ang mga nararamdaman dahil maaaring ang iba ay dala lamang ng ilang buwan kong pagiging comatose.

But no. . . I do feel that there is something. I just. . . I just don't know. Or I don't. . . remember, rather? 

I sighed before standing up, "No, tuloy ngayon. I'll have my rest day tomorrow. Make sure na walang nasa sched ko para bukas." I said firmly. 

My mom will surely nag about this but i do deserve a rest. Mas importante pa ba sa kanya ang career kesa sa sariling kalagayan ng kanyang anak? I'm just so tired of being her puppet. Palagi ay gusto nyang sumunod ako sa yapak nya. I don't even want that. 

But what can I do? Sabi nya nga, sya ang bumuhay sa akin kaya dapat ay sundin ko sya. I don't think it's right, though. Kahit pa na sya ang bumuhay sa akin, tingin ko naman ay nasa possiyon ako para mag desisyon para sa sarili ko. 

I didn't choose to be born, she did. I didn't choose for her to take care of me, she did. And lastly, I didn't choose to have such a wonderful life that everyone dreams to have, she did. Kung pupwede lang na mamili ay pipiliin kong mamuhay sa probinsya na mayroong maraming puno. That would be wonderful. Nature is wonderful.