A Good Thing

-forgiven-

Chapter 56

-forgiven-

She didn't know how long it had been but she thought it must have been a while. The blurred colors and lights that had been her reality felt at times like the only thing she could remember. But she knew that wasn't right. When she slept, really slept, she remembered everything.

The battle, the explosion, Din and Cara, her uncle, the covert and her parents. Most of all she remembered the man that had filled her thoughts more than anyone else since they had left Batuu. Asta remembered Migs. And as she lingered wherever she was with the blurred lights and muffled voices, she thought about him.

About the argument they'd had and how they had left things. About what Cara and Din had said when they'd heard. About how much she wished she could tell him that after all the planets and all the fighting and killing and almost dying that she thought maybe he had been right. That she wished she had understood when they'd parted that he had been worried about her, not condescending.

Would she ever see him again or had their fight been the end of his care for her? Had he stayed on Batuu with Paz and Omera or had he gone back to Sorgan for his ship and returned to whatever life he'd had before? As she listened to her Uncle's calm, deep but mostly unintelligible voice, and what she thought was Din's grumbling—probably attempting to apologize for whatever had happened—she hoped desperately that Migs hadn't given up on her.

One morning—Asta assumed it was morning because the blurred colors were brighter—she thought she heard him. What he said was unclear, but it was definitely his voice. Relief that he hadn't left and joy at hearing him, at knowing he was there with her, overwhelmed the narrow field of feeling she had.

She wanted so badly to wake up so she could apologize and beg him to forgive her and want her the way she wanted him. But she couldn't. If her desire alone could have brought her back to wherever her body was she would have done so ages ago.

Frustration at whatever it was that kept her in that state made her so angry she would have cried if she could. All she had wanted for months was the chance to see him again, to tell him how she really felt. She tried and pushed and screamed into the blurry, dimly lit void for what felt like hours before she fell asleep again.

His voice got clearer, as did the blurred colors, over what she felt were the next few days. Sometimes she even thought she could feel when someone held her hand. Her uncle still stopped by to see her but Migs only seemed to leave to sleep at night. It surprised her that he was with her so much but it was certainly not unwelcome.

Asta wasn't sure how many days he had been coming to sit with her, but one afternoon when she woke, a warm hand held her own. For a moment she thought of her uncle but then Migs's low, slightly accented voice washed over her and she felt herself relax. For the first time, his words filtered clearly through the haze and she almost laughed at what she heard.

"It was the only thing to do with everyone gone, without you there. Paz..." He laughed softly to himself. "He had a hell of a time getting all those kids to pay attention at first. Eventually he figured if he had everyone help, three or four kids per adult was a more manageable ratio. I don't know why he didn't just start like that. Kriff, there were more than a hundred kids."

He paused again and she felt his thumb brush across her knuckles. It took her a moment to realize that the sensations were the clearest they'd been yet. When she did, she pushed again, trying to wake up, searching for his face as he continued talking.

"He's a pretty good teacher I guess. Most of your people seem that way, at least when it comes to teaching kids how to fight. Mera said it's one of the most important parts of your culture, taking care of your kids." He sighed. "Din says they're going to start 'heavily encouraging' family growth. I'm not real clear on how he plans to do that but... do you think you'll want kids? It never really felt like something I wanted but... if I stay I wonder if he would include me in that. Could you see me with kids?"