Hard to love

Forgiveness

I was at my house alone on my phone just lurking lol when the mail man came so i went to get the mail

It was the usual stuff and a letter from my mind i threw it with the rest and just got back in the bed

"Read them aliyahh readd them" i kept hearing this voice say

I bit my bottom lip and thought
I slowly got up and grabbed the letter from today
As soon as i started reading it i broke down crying
I know shes down alot thats hurt me but shes still my mother without her it would be no me and now shes dying life to short to whole grudges
I sat the for what seemed like hours reading every single letter that i didnt bother to open
A tear fell with every word and my head throbbed from crying

Aliyah forgive me

Aliyah im sorry

I never wanted this to happen

I love you

I need you to forgive me before i go

I love you dont forget okay my little bunny

Those where the words that keep reapeating that made me hate myself for not forgiving her

.....................
2 days later

I just been at home laying around crying i dont bother to answer anyones text or calls not even august and he is blowing my phone up

AUGGIEPOO😏😍- liyah whats up baby

*calls*

AUGGIEPOO😏😍- pick up the phone aliyah

*calls*
*calls*
*calls*

AUGGIEPOO😏😍- did i do something wrong baby please answer me li

*calls*

AUGGIEPOO😏😍- baby please pick up

*calls*

AUGGIEPOO😏😍- we need to talk li so imma just come over and you bettah open the fucking door

.................

I just sighed and layed back down on my back letting the tears fall down the side of my face

I need to see my mom but im afraid and i want and know that i need to forgive her but apart of me is still angry and i hate myself

Im being so selfish and i cant help it my mothers dying and im still mad at her acting like a big ass chap
Why does my life have to be this was

I heard banging on the door but i didnt bother to move i just starred at the ceiling while the banging continued

AUGUST POV

wtf man a niggah going crazy im starting to worry about her like why the hell she not coming to the door
I looked in the flower pot beside me and got the spare house key
I unlocked the door and walked in it was quiet and dark

"Liyahh!"

"Baybeh"

Both times i called i got no answer
I walked up the stairs to her room and opened the door to see her laying in the bed looking dead

"Aliyah" i ran over to her
She had bags under her eyes that were res and puffy

"I-im a b-b-bad p-person august" she said a little above a whisper finally turning her face to me

I kneeled down beside her "no baybeh you not"

"B-but i still hate her i really do apart of me thinks that she deserves what shes gting but the other part says no shes your mom you have to love her" she broke down crying i sat her up and pulled her into my chesf as she continued to cry

"Li stop crying ma you gone be aight, you should forgive ya moms cuz thats the only one you got and thats all you gone gt lil mama" i told her

"I know but i-i I JUST CANT FIND IT IN MYSELF" she cried harder as i rocked her

"Shhhhhhh lil mama im here for you you not alone imma help you through this ok" i lefted her chin and wipes her wet face then kissed her lips slowly and she kissed back

"Thank you August...i wanna go see her i guess" she spoke

"Aight but first lets take a shower and gt you cleaned up" i pulled her up and we headed to the shower