Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 6 - Shopping Yet Fighting

It's been hours and yet I am still amazed at the small, normal actions Alexander displays towards me. I was amused that the Mafia king was so kind. I had to stop myself from staring at Alexander more than several times, and every time he caught me, making tension flow in the air. He told me to call him Alex, so I did. I bit my lip, pressing a hand to my stomach and groaning under my breath. Cramps plagued me, making me feel like I was going to puke. I had checked several times, and the pad that I had put in my underwear earlier was still clean, so my period hadn't started, but dammit, cramps hurt like a bitch.

Alex looked at me, his expression was slightly concerned. I waved him off, saying I was just hungry, despite the fact that thinking about food made bile rise up in the throat. He led me to a small diner, letting me sit down. He sat across from me, resting one hand on the table and the other one on his leg where his gun was. His legs were spread, easy confidence flowing off of him. He had ditched his normal combination of slacks and a dress shirt, and he wore jeans and a white T-shirt, the sight a feast for my eyes. Tattoos trailed up his arms and into the shirt, tattoos I desperately wanted to see all of. His muscles flexed deliciously every time he shifted, his T-Shirt tight around his body but not tight enough to not leave things to the imagination. It was the most relaxed outfit I had ever seen the god in, and even the tension in his shoulders seemed less than I had seen in the few weeks I had known him. His eyes held a heat I couldn't place- that ever went away and only intensified when he looked at me.

"What do you want to eat?" Alex asked, looking straight at me. I avoided his heated gaze, looking at the menu- pretending to be absorbed with it. I ignored the cramps in my stomach as I shrugged and told Alex to pick for me. He raised an eyebrow, playfully suggesting to put everything I was allergic to in the meal. I kicked him under the table and stared at the window. We were at an outdoor mall, and the sun was setting. I looked at the sunset and reached for my phone, wondering if I should take a picture. I panicked when there was nothing in my pocket, then I calmed down when I realized that my phone had been destroyed by the bomb. My fingers stilled, and I closed my eyes, swallowing.

Every single night, every single god damn night, I relived the explosion. I relived the pain and the confusion. I would go through it all again, over and over if it meant that Alex lived, but I couldn't get rid of the nightmares. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the fire and the smoke. The cuts on my back still hadn't completely healed, and they would never heal, they would simply become scars, adding to my collection.

My scars are the mark of my darkest days in the past. They will never go away, just like the memories of those days, but I will not acknowledge them. I realized my hands were shaking, so I clenched them together and pressed them to my lap.

Alex was staring at me from across the table, so I forced my face clear of all emotions. I forced a small smile at him, hoping he couldn't see how fake it was. He raised an eyebrow, starting to say something, but the waitress brought over our food.

I shoved mine away, my stomach reeling at the thought of eating anything. I excused myself, and went to the bathroom, bringing my purse with me. I sighed and took care of my period that had finally decided to show up, glad I had more pads in my purse. I stood in the mirror and washed my face, sighing yet again as I looked at myself. I had black bags under my eyes, and Alex's sweatshirt hung off my frame. I've always been confident- I knew I was normally pretty, but seeing myself now, wearing only a sweatshirt, shorts, and a few guns, I felt worse than ugly.

I felt like I was on the edge of becoming the worst me I could ever become.

I sat on the floor in the middle of the bathroom, glad no one was here, and put my head in my hands. I sat there, not knowing what had happened to me.