Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 56 - The Pit

I left a note for Zenna on the counter, telling her that I was sorry and that I would see her at the rehearsal. I grabbed my keys, and my phone, and walked out the door.

I was wearing a black crop top with back botty shorts underneath baggy sweats. I didn't want to dress up for whatever Alex had planned for me when I had a nagging suspicion that it would end with me naked for several hours. I had left my hair down, and put some concealer on the scar on my face, and I was so fucking nervous. I didn't carry anything with me but my phone, my claw clip, and headphones which were in my pocket with my hands.

I knew that Alex would be mad, sad, and so many other things. I just don't know what to do. Last night was a lot for me, from the sex to the memories, and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to him, or even how I was supposed to act around him.

I had broken up with my boyfriend last night over a facetime. I was upfront with him about everything, and he was very understanding about it. He said he didn't blame me in the slightest and that he already knew our relationship wouldn't turn into much. He was so very good to me.

I stepped outside, glancing up at the sky that was dark and rainy. I cast my eyes back down, looking at Alex who was holding my door open for me. As soon as I was close enough, he grabbed my waist. His lips were against mine, and I tugged my hands out of my pockets, running them through his hair.

"What's got you all happy?" I asked, suppressing a giggle as he lifted me up and placed me in the car.

"You, darling." I grinned, watching him walk around the car and get in. My hand was encompassed in his as soon as he got in, and I flushed.

"What's the blood on your shoes?" I quietly asked. I had no issues with our profession, I just wanted to know why he had that eerily calm vibes around him that normally came after he killed someone.

"I killed the men who kidnapped you." His answer was blunt and truthful. He didn't dance around the fact or try to censor it from me. My lips fell open in surprise, and I turned to stare at him.

"How?"

"Well the one I didn't like the most got his penis cut off, his fingers brun-" I cut him off, not particularly caring for the gruesome aspects.

"I meant how like how did you find out who it was."

"Security footage." The way he said it sounded like this way was the only right thing to do. I couldn't help but blush as he looked over at me, his eyes trailing over my lips as if the fact he murdered several men while I was asleep didn't mean he didn't want to fuck me. I met his eyes, chewing my lip as I thought back to when I was taken.

Are they alive still?" I quietly asked. Those men were the reason I was tortured, the reason I lost my baby, the reason I almost killed myself. They were the reason I was currently stuck in this dark mental place. Maybe my thoughts weren't as bad as they were in that white room, but I could not get rid of this dark demon that was possessing my thoughts. It brought me down and made me see just how worthless I was. It was a never-ending barricade of that little voice in my mind telling me how fucked up I am and that Alex only pity-dated me.

And the worse part?

I believed that voice because it was my voice. When someone tells you something means, sure you remember it, but you never believe it as much as if you were telling yourself that same thing. The voice inside my mind is tearing me down from the inside, and nothing I can do will stop it.

"No." Alex squeezed my hand, and I brought my gaze from the window to our hands, wondering why he held me if I was so worthless.

"Thank you," I whispered.