Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 56 - Trust

"Let's talk punishment." He whispered, shrugging off his suitcoat and tossing it aside without breaking eye contact. I blushed as his shirt followed.

"You have five minutes to use the restroom and do anything you need to get ready. It's going to be a long night for you. I want you kneeling on the bed the second those five minutes are up." I was off the bed in a blink, running towards what I hoped was the bathroom.

"That's the kitchen, love. Other side." He chuckled. I groaned in frustration, running to the other side of the room and flinging the door open. I peed, washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and washed my face in three minutes, using the other two to take off and fold my clothes for later. I rested my claw clip, phone, and headphones on top of the pile, running my hands over my body and staring at myself in the mirror for a split second.

And I couldn't help but wonder what Alex sees in me. I couldn't help but wonder if he was blind to not see how truly ugly I am, inside and out. I couldn't help but hate what I saw as I peered in the mirror. I couldn't help but selfishly want to put the shirt back on and cover my scars. I wrapped my arms around my belly, trying to suck it in enough that the flub on my hips disappeared. I glanced at my face, seeing the scar.

Before the torture, I was so fucking confident in myself. Sure I had the same demons I do now- and now I have more- but I was so goddamn confident in who I was and how I looked. I never worried about my scars, but now... Now they truly make me feel so fucking ugly. I was so truly fucked up mentally now and I didn't know how to fix it. All I wanted was to be better, be deserving of the care Alex shows me. All I want is to be someone else so that I can maybe be enough for myself.

"You're late, princess." But he wasn't mad. He gently grabbed my arms, massaging the tension from them until they were hanging loose at my side. Alex pulled my body back to his until my back was pressed against his chest and his hands were running up and down my body. I tilted my head back onto his shoulder, trying to get my mind off of my mind. He gripped my chin, his other hand wrapping around my waist. He met my eyes in the mirror, and the look in them kept me glued there.

No... he wasn't mad at me. I could tell. He was mad at the people who had shown me just how worthless I was. He was angry at his father for hurting me.

And there wasn't a part of me he didn't want.

I almost cried right there because the look in his eyes -the pure want for me- was so true.

"Darling, listen and listen well." Alex's fingers drummed against my throat, the cold bite of his rings causing my thighs to stick together. I pursed my lips together, nodding at him to show I was listening.

"You are perfection." He touched the scar on my face. "This is stunning." He kissed it before moving on. The scars on my back. "These show me how impossibly strong you are." Kisses down my back. The scars on my arms. "These are beautiful." Kisses down my arms. My thighs, my hips, my stomach, every one of my fingers. Every scar, he had something to say. Every scar, he kissed away the memory of pain and gave me a new way to look at the scars. A new way to see me. And when he stood back up, we were both crying a bit. He took my face in his hands, kissing me slowly and sweetly.

At that moment, nothing else mattered besides the way he whispered my name. All my dark thoughts ran and my insecurities died for the time being.

He truly made me see my worth. He did that by showing me how much he believes in me, and that he wants every part of me. The scars, the imperfections, the flub, the mood swings, the demons. He wants it all.

And I am more than willing to give it to him. I want him to have it all. I want Alex to have the world, and if I am truly his world, he can have me.

"On the bed." He was desperate, shaking in his need for me. I practically ran to the bed, throwing myself on it and rolling over so that I was on my back. "Do you remember what I said in your shower? About what's about to happen?"