best years ✰ l.p.

Chapter 25- Fine Line

There I was standing at Jackson's doorstep.  It had been four days since my birthday.

I know he said he wished he didn't break up with me, but I couldn't lead him on.  When we kissed, I got caught up in the moment.  Old feelings resurfaced, but right after, they sunk back down.

I did know that a small part of me would always love him, that was something I couldn't control, but I wasn't going to risk getting hurt again.  I was doing what I knew was best for both of us.

So there I was.  Dreading the conversation I was about to have, but also knowing I had to have it.

I took a deep breath and rang the doorbell.  I really hoped that his parents wouldn't answer.  I didn't know what I would tell them.

'Hey, so I know me and your son broke up a while ago, but a couple of days ago we kissed in his car and I thought I still really liked him, but now I don't think I do and I feel bad.'

Yeah no.  There's no way I could lie to them either.  Ms. Williams could read anyone like a book.

Then the front door opened.  Luckily, Jackson was the one who answered it.

"Hey, uh, can we talk?", I asked.

"Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you too.", he said.  We sat down on the steps.  "You first."

"So, about what happened on my birthday.  I just wanted to say, when we kissed I remembered a lot of things.  A lot of feelings came back to me too.  I really thought I still liked you, but now I realize that I was caught up in the moment.  I...I like someone else now."

He sighed.  "I'm actually really glad that you feel that way."

This isn't where I thought this was going to go.

"I got caught up in the moment too.  I, I said some things that I kind of wish I didn't.  Besides,  I'm still with May."

My face dropped.  "What?"

"We never broke up."

"Yeah, I heard you.  But, Jackson, you need to tell her."

"I can't do that"

"You have to.  I know that when we were together, the worst thing was always thinking you were cheating on me with May.  I hated that I thought that way, because I knew you two were friends, but, just, the way you two looked at each other...I couldn't shake the feeling.  If she's anything like me, then she probably feels the same way.  You guys live two hours apart from each other.  Trust me, you need to tell her now or things might get worse later."

He took a deep breath.  "Okay.  Fine, I'll tell her."

I stood up.  I didn't really know what else to say.  "Well, I guess that's all I really wanted to say."

"Uh, one more thing.", he said. I sat back down.

"Okay..."

"I don't want us to stop talking to each other again.  We've been friends since-"

"Please don't pull that card.", I said.  "Not after you didn't talk to me for months after we broke up."

He didn't say anything.

"Jackson, as much as I would love to erase the past and start all over again, we can't.  After everything that's happened these past two years, nothing's ever going to be the same with us.", I said.  "But we're in each other's lives now, at least till we graduate.  And to be honest, I don't really know how to act around you.  So...let's just see where life takes us.  If we're meant to be friends, we'll be friends.  If we're not, then we're not."

He nodded.  "Yeah.  I think that's fair."

After a couple more seconds of awkward silence, he spoke up again.

"By the way...I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you"

I looked up at him.

"I'm really, really sorry.  For everything."

I smiled.  "That's all I've ever really wanted to hear since we broke up."

*****

I felt like I left things in a good place with Jackson.  Sure, the conversation had a lot of plot twists, but at least I knew where we stood.

I didn't know what I was feeling.  I was kind of sad-happy.  Maybe relieved?

I decided to write Jackson one last letter.

Dear Jackson,

All of the other times I've written you a letter I was either extremely in love, extremely confused, or had extreme hatred towards you.  This one is different.  I'm writing it because I'm...at peace?  To be honest, I don't really know why I'm writing this one.  I just thought I'd write down what I'm feeling right now.  Just to put it in words.

I don't hate you, and I don't think I ever really did.  I don't love you anymore, and I'm kind of happy I don't.  I think we were always meant to be friends.  I'm sorry that I screwed that up for us.  I not sure it would matter if you were out of my life, but you're not anyway.  You're back in it, and I'm actually okay with it this time.

- Dahlia Molina

*****

A/N:  Sorry, I know these past few chapters have probably been confusing and the way I made them make up was kind of messy, but you know it worked.  I rewrote this chapter like 5 times though lol.

You know, to be honest, I'm not sure if anyone even reads my author's notes.  That would kind of suck.  Idk just bc I'm like sharing stuff that might be important or asking questions.  Welp, it's 2:00 in the morning and I'm finally done.  I don't even know why I spend so much time on this.  I'm not even getting paid.  This story has gotten like way more serious now for me lol.  Again, thank you so much for reading you really have no idea how much it means to me!  Ily all<3

- Jillian