best years ✰ l.p.

Chapter 24- Without You

Dear Jackson,

You'll never get this letter, unless someone finds it and sends it, but I don't want you to. I hope you never read this because if you did, I would be too embarrassed to ever talk to you again. Now that that's settled, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a while, I just didn't know how. I figured writing this would help. 

 Okay. The truth is, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. I've loved you probably since last year in seventh grade. You're the first boy who ever held my hand, even if it's just because we're friends. You're always super nice to me, even when I know you're mad. When your other friends always tease you about being friends with me, you don't let it bother you. You were also my first kiss, even if it was a dare. I never told you though. Now that I think about it, you're a lot of my firsts. But there's one that you're not and I know you'll never be. Even if I did ask you out, I know you'd say no. You don't think of me like that. You don't have to tell me, I just know. It's okay though, I'm happy just being your friend. I'm really glad I know you Jackson Williams.

Love,

- Dahlia Molina

*****

Dear Jackson,

Go to hell. You hurt me. You probably don't even care. You're selfish and heartless and a liar. I wish I never met you. Anything would have been better than meeting you. You really, really hurt me. Maybe it's because I've known you for so long and I've loved you all this time.

The worst part is, I know I can never hurt you the way you hurt me. So go off and do whatever the fuck you want with that May girl. Just never speak to me again. I hate to admit it, but if you did, I would probably just cry all over again. And in your sick mind that probably makes you feel better, knowing you have that power over me. I hope I never see you again.

XOXO, 

- Dahlia Molina

*****

Dear Jackson,

Why did you kiss me? Now I don't know what to think and it scares me. Why are you even here? Congratulations, you showed up and fucked everything up. BUt I shouldn't be surprised. That's just what you do.

We haven't spoken since my birthday. I don't know if I should text or call, or if I even still have your number. You live right next door. I could probably just walk right over and ring your doorbell. But I'm not going to. I'm too scared. Besides, I don't even know if I want to talk to you. I wonder if you want to talk to me.

I keep telling myself to forget it all and to move on, but I can't. After all that happened last year, I can't forget you. I never will. That used to be painful to think about, but now maybe it's a good thing. I don't know what to think. Luke could probably help me, he knows all about confusing feelings. But I'm not going to do that either. I can't bring myself to. I like him and I kissed you. That's not cheating or anything, but I still feel bad for some reason. Like I'm cheating myself.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing something. Maybe it was for the best that we broke up. My life is going great without you. I don't need you or anyone to make me feel happy. So you know what? Don't call me. I think this was a mistake. 

- Dahlia Molina