Classified light- a criminal minds fan fiction

Push and pull

//TW mentions of drug use//

"Reid? Are you okay?" Cameron opened her door on a Sunday evening just as her and Radomir were about to head to bed.

"I-I-" Reid stammered, Cameron paused at his appearance; his face was flushed, there were dark bags under his eyes and his skin seemed paler than usual with red bruise like blotches peaking through his skin.

"I-I did something bad" he whispered, "Cameron I did something really bad."

"Come in, come in- is everything okay?" She led him into the apartment as Radomir came running over, she clicked at him to give them space.

Reid tried to speak but his words were shaky, his eyes darting around the room, his pupils dilated to the extreme, his hands vibrating as he stumbled.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he kept apologising, "I didn't know where else to go, I thought the others might tell Hotch, I-I don't want to lose my job or for them to be disappointed in me."

Cameron's eyes darted down to his arms and the small track marks on it, tilting her head for a moment before taking his hand.

"What's this?" She quizzed

"I-I... I used again Cameron, I-"

"You don't have to say anything, you don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to- sit down, it's okay" she spoke softly, sitting him on her sofa as she went over to her kitchen and pulled out a wicker basket filled with various medical supplies and herbs she had growing up that she used to make mixtures.

"I-I'm so stupid" Reid shook his head, unable to hide his tears.

"You're not stupid Spencer, relapsing is a very difficult thing to avoid- especially when someone is under a lot of stress" Cameron spoke with a steady tone as she knelt down in front of him and started cleaning his arm.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, I was doing so well- I don't even drink just to make sure nothing could spiral me" he shook his head.

"This does not take away that achievement" she checked his pulse and temperature, "how much did you take?"

"Not much" he shook his head, she nodded and felt his breathing panic, "I realised how stupid it was as soon as I did it- I knew I shouldn't have kept it around, god I'm so stupid."

"Hey, hey- look at me" she cupped his face with a comforting smile, "you are the farthest thing from stupid Spencer. This feeling will pass, okay? You're going to be absolutely fine, I'll be here to make sure you're okay."

He nodded his head as he tried to listen to her words, truly believing them more than he had believed anyone else's words before, she just seemed to be able to convince him with her smile alone.

"Okay" she smiled and stood up, he caught her hand in fear.

"P-please don't leave me-"

"It's okay, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere- I'm just going to turn off the lights and open the windows to stop you getting sensory overload" she patted his hand, "do you want to come help me with it?"

He nodded, not wanting to be alone as the familiar kick of the drug set in and his surroundings became suddenly calm- a false calm by the drug that he knew was fake, that he had come to hate just as much as he needed it.

"There- does that feel better?" Cameron said as the two finished turning off the lights and opened her windows, he nodded unconvincingly.

"I-I'm really sorry Cameron, I'm sorry I'm bothering you with this- you shouldn't have to help me. You're going to have to tell Hotch and it could get you fired if you don't and then you would be deported and-"