Classified light- a criminal minds fan fiction

Words

Cameron Sokolov had faced death more times in her life than she had realised, she had craved it more than she would admit, she had begged for it almost as much as she fought it.

But now that it was coming, she didn't know what she wanted.

It would be easy to say she wanted to die, it would be easy to see all the reasons why she was ready to go, to stop running and fighting every day, to stop living a lie and die in the truth.

It would be easy to let go.

Her family were dead, her best friend Radomir along with them too.

Life in Russia was gone, hopes of setting her family legacy gone right with it.

Life with Hotch was gone, the hopes of being able to freely love him gone without either of them wanting it to be.

She had nothing, if she had been left in that water she would have gladly welcomed death.

But he had pulled her out, he had spoken to her- he had given her that hope again.

With those two simple words, he had given her that debilitating hope that made her want to fight, to run, to take anything she could get just to be near him.

With you.

It would have been easy for Cameron Sokolov to die then, led in Hotch's lap with his arms around her as he sobbed- it would have been easy to close the book and let go.

To let go of the unsaid words.

To let go of the strange hope that one day she could go back to her home.

To let go of the need to set things right.

It would have been easy- but Cameron had never taken the easy way in life.

The darkness did come, yes- darker than anything she had ever seen before.

So dark it felt as if it would suffocate her completely- but with it came the memories of this strange new life she was forced into.

The thoughts of Morgan and their friendship, their late night chats, their car rides listening to his bad music, the way he laughed with his full body with her- a sound she desperately wanted to hear again.

She thought about every member of the team; the shared moment in her apartment when she helped Reid, the way Rossi looked out for her like a father figure that she desperately missed, how Garcia always sent her messages and phone calls because she genuinely care, how Emily and her bonded and grew closer into someone she thought of as the older sister she wished she had instead of the one she had gotten, JJ sharing her pregnancy journey with Cameron to help her feel closer to what she had lost.

Her new life, her strange friends- her family, this was her new family.

And then she thought of the one thing that made her want to fight the darkness more than anything.

Hotch.

How his eyes immediately caught hers when she entered the BAU for the first time, his reluctant laughter at her that she came to crave, the way he said her name that night, the way he held her in that barn, the way he watched her silently and fought for her- the way he loved her long before they both would admit it.

The more she thought about him, the more the darkness subsided.

Their bodies pressed together on the camping case behind the tree, his lips so close to touching hers in the tent, how he clung to her so tightly when he found her at the end of the case.