Classified light- a criminal minds fan fiction

Alone

Cameron hadn't left her apartment in days following the breakup.

She had spent the entire weekend crying, which was more than too be expected- but then she found herself unable to cry, something she had never not been able to do before.

She just felt numb, empty, utterly lost; alone.

She had missed the bar meet-up with the team, spending the majority of the night just stood in Hotch's arms as they waited in silence, knowing that once they separated they wouldn't be able to go back.

And then she was home, alone.

She didn't have Radomir, she didn't have Hotch- even Peter and Zach were gone.

Alone.

Cameron didn't respond to anyone's messages for the rest of the weekend, she didn't leave her bed other than to use the bathroom, barely even eating or baked which was rarity for her.

And yet she couldn't cry anymore, her body wouldn't let her- that seemed like the finale straw she wouldn't let go of, that if she let herself cry then she would never be able to stop, it would be admitting it had happened, that it was over, that she was alone.

She might not of been able to admit it out loud, but she knew now more than ever that she did truly and utterly love him- something she swore that she would never do again, and this was exactly why.

Cameron just lead there Monday morning as she had been the entire night whilst her alarm rang out and then messages popped up.

She had only replied to one person's message the whole weekend; Morgan's.

He had sensed something was wrong when she didn't turn up at the bar like she said she would and then he went to her apartment and she wouldn't open the door- only messaging him as she led with her back against the door and tried not to sob.

He just sat the other side of it and messaged with her, feeling her heartbreak against the door.

No matter how much he asked her to let him in, to let him help her- she wouldn't open the door, she wouldn't speak to him.

She was alone now, she couldn't let someone in, she couldn't open the door again just for it to end up being closed and her being alone.

It was easier this way, she thought, easier to hide, easier to run, easier to be alone.

And now her phone rang with his number again as she forced herself out of the shower where she had been stood for the last 20 minutes running her hands over the tattoo on her rib where Hotch used to trail his hands, a burning resentment for that tattoo now that it was missing his hands on it.

"Hello" she answered the call as she got dressed, a numbness to her voice usually so full of life.

"Hey, I didn't think you would answer" Morgan smiled, she didn't respond as she normally would to carry the conversation.

"Anyway, I'm outside to pick you up for work whenever you're ready, or we can do what I originally suggested and take the day off."

"I'm fine" she replied simply and finished pulling on her outfit as she let out her hair from the shower cap, brushing it out and finishing off her makeup to hide how not 'fine' she really was.

"Cam..."

"I'm going to walk to work, thank you though" she hung up and fought the tears that threatened to overflow.

"Stop it" she scolded herself in the mirror, "get it together, you're an agent now- you can't act like this."

She adjusted her outfit which consisted of a dusty brown sued skirt with a black belt and pockets, a dark green striped button up shirt tucked in that had balloon sleeves until the elbow and then a pair of black, pleather derby shoes that gave her a hint of needed height and contrasted her dainty green frilled socks.