My Boyfriend Billie

Pills. Pills. And all the Thrills

Billies POV

I wake up with the biggest hangover ever. I take 2 more tablets so I can get high and it'll help with the hangover a little. I stumble down the stairs and hear a car door close. As I'm pouring myself a glass of alcohol Tre walks in with Joey in his arms.
"Oh look. They're home." I say in a stone cold tone. Tre looks at me with disgust.
"Billie what the hell has gotten into you. You have a kid and you're drinking?! What's next are you going to start getting high again?!"
"Surprise! I'm already high!" I yell chugging the rest of the burning whiskey down. Tre's body goes limp and gives me a sympathetic look and shakes his head as he walks away to lay Joey down. I pour myself another glass of whiskey.
"I'm taking Joey back to Adie's tonight."
"Since when did you start caring for Joey? If you haven't noticed babe it's my kid! Mine!"
"And you're still a mean drunk. And Joey is a baby boy a human being NOT an 'it'." He turns around and walks up the stairs and slams the door. I lay down on the couch with the bottle of whiskey in my hand. A tear escapes my eyes and I sniffle. 'What is wrong with me?' I think to myself. My mind knew I was a fucked up person but my body and heart kept telling me I'm fine. That night I wrote the lyrics for State of Shock before passing out.
I wake up the next morning on the floor. I stumble into the kitchen and started making some coffee before glancing at the clock and sighing. 3:30 am it read. Realizing I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep again I continue making the coffee. I put some vodka in it for some flavor and lay down on the couch looking over the lyrics for state of shock. I really liked it and it kind of reminds me of lazy bones. A few hours have passed and it's now 6:45. Tre won't be awake until 10:30 probably. I get up to check on Joey. I walk into the room I made for him when Adrienne told me he can stay here some times. Sleeping peacefully, I saw him. 'If only I could sleep that peacefully.' I thought to myself. I quietly stumble out of the room and close the door. I walk into Tre and I's room and see him sprawled out on the bed, still wearing the clothes from the night before. There was just enough light shining on him to see the tears stained on his face. I felt like somebody stabbed me then. I didn't want him to cry, especially if it was because of me. I look over at the pills that he gripped so tightly in his hand to the point where the bag was wrinkly. A tear streamed down my face when I realized, 'It's my fault Tre cried himself to sleep last night. If I wasn't such a fuck up we would be happy. I would remember my sons name for once and how much I love and care for him. I know I need to fix myself but I don't think I do at the same time.
I glance at the pills one last time and carefully slide them out of Tre's grasp. I open it up and see the last two pills sitting there looking at me. 'I need more' was all that was going through my mind. I take the last two and swallow it with my coffee. Even though it was more vodka than coffee. I glance at the clock and see that it's 8:00am. If I leave now I'll have enough time to buy more sleeping pills and still be back in time before Tre wakes up and Adrienne gets here. That's right! Today was the last day I would see my son in a while. Adrienne is coming by at 12:30 to pick him up. I've been too busy getting drunk and high I didn't even think about it. I barely spent time with him when he was here. I feel like such a shitty father. I couldn't even stay sober throughout the time my son was here, and I don't even know when I will see him again. I push the thoughts out of the way and think of one thing that'll get my mind off of it. My sleeping pills. I grab my keys and on my way I drive to the pharmacy.