Have you ever reached the stars?

Prologue

30 years ago

Sarajevo

"Live from Serajevo and the Holiday Inn hotel, which has turned into a temporary headquarters for all international media. We are in the eye of the siege, witnessing the historic city where races, religions and ethnicities have molded together, being torn apart by ongoing conflicts and bloodshed. Just yesterday many civilians were murdered in the city center by snipers. The lack of water and food is evident in every part of the city. Empty stalls in the central market and the fear painted in people's faces are just a small proof of the chaos spread across the country. The UN forces have been trying to take control of the airport, enabling more planes with the so much needed humanitarian aid to land." I take a deep breath and nodding my head to reassure the members of the crew that I am okay to go on; I hold my belly in an attempt to ease the sharp pain. I know it was reckless of me to come, the doctor advised me against it. Seven months pregnant and with a miscarriage in my history should have been deterrent enough to accept the mission. But I wanted to be here, to show the people what is going on in this part of Europe. This is not another war; it's the deadliest conflict since World War II. The people have the right to know about the war crimes, the genocide, the crimes against humanity, the ethnic cleansing and the countless cases of rape.

Being the only woman in the hotel among male reporters from around the world has its perks. Few are aware of my condition but I am treated with respect and admiration for my choice to be here. My husband, Paul who started his career as a wildlife photographer, is here as well. After we met, he started working as freelance covering important events all over the world. He is currently in Sebrenica, a besieged enclave in eastern Bosnia which was supposedly declared as safe and protected from the UN. However they failed to demilitarize the army of the republic and that lead to a massacre. I wanted to go with him, to see with my own eyes and report the survivors' stories but of course he didn't let me.

It was safer to be in a protected environment, if anyone could call the hotel that. Shattered windows, broken furniture, power cuts due to bombarding are the usual occurrences. At least we are still surrounded by walls. Breathing in and out slowly, I try to focus on the little red light of the camera and gesturing towards the smoke behind me, I continue describing the events of the day. We are on air live and there is no way I am collapsing in front of millions of British viewers watching the evening news.

"This is Kelly Martin reporting from the heart of the siege. Goodnight from Sarajevo, back to you Neil." When John says cut, I fall on my knees, not being able to hold it together anymore. I am not going to lose this baby too. I need her to be okay. How can I go on with my life if I know that I sacrificed my baby for the thrill of my job? What kind of mother am I going to be?

Red Cross had established a temporary medical station on the first floor of the hotel. John carries me to the elevator and screaming for help once we reach the doctors, I am immediately placed on a bed. The medical staff rushes to my side, but I only want to see Paul's face. He is the only one who can make me feel safe right now, the only one who can say that everything is going to be alright and I will believe him.

"Find Paul. I need him. He should be on his way back from Sebrenica, find him on the radio. I need him John, please. There's too much blood. I can't do this without him." No tears, just sweat and a silent prayer that this baby will be alright, that I haven't killed her with my reckless decision to travel to a warzone while being this far along.

"I'm on it Kelly. Just breathe and let the doctors help you." The team consists of a Greek surgeon, a French anesthesiologist and an Italian nurse. Although calm at first, I can still see the worried looks in their eyes as they are gathering the essentials. Emergency c-section is the verdict and even if I want to remain optimistic, I really don't have any strength left. Where is Paul? I need him.