Have you ever reached the stars?

Chapter 19

Hope

Sleep never found me last night. I kept checking my emails waiting for the one Sue said would come but still nothing. Have I misunderstood? Was anything she said real? It was Sunday though, so that could justify the delay. Texts from Jax were the only things that disturbed the peace of the house. The first one to check if I had made it home safely and if I needed him to come over. The second one was to tell me that he loves me and me saying it back made him so happy. The third to ask me if I was up for rafting the following day since his friends organized a little excursion.

Feigning sickness I turned down his offer to join them but urged him to go nonetheless. He should be with his friends. He should have fun, make up for all the years he was denied their company. He should do crazy things that make him laugh. He should get closer to them because they are staying while I am not so sure if I will.

The sun has already risen and although the beginning of a new day is supposed to be energetic, full of optimism and positive energy, it doesn't have the same effect on me. I feel exhausted and the dark circles under my eyes show exactly that.

Drinking another cup of coffee, having lost count of them by now, I feel my hands start trembling a little. I can't go on like this. I need to keep myself busy with something. Anything that can distract me until at least I receive the email, will do for now.

Getting outside in the back yard so I can continue the renovation plans seems the less tedious idea. Changing into comfortable clothes, I pick up the tools and start working. Hours pass and although the progress I've made is satisfying, my mind can't rest.

Taking a break for some cold water and a snack, I hear the doorbell ring and afraid that Jax has decided to drop by, makes me freeze on my spot. When the characteristic chime is heard again, I plaster a somewhat believable smile and head for the door.

To my relief, Luanne is standing on my doorstep bearing gifts once again.

"You look like shit. How was the beach party with the losers last night?" not waiting for me to invite her in, she makes her way towards the kitchen, placing the paper bag she is holding on the counter. Offering me an iced coffee, she starts sipping hers and empties the things from the bag. Delicious smells enter my nose and my stomach reminds me that the energy bar I just had was a joke in front of all these.

"Did anything interesting happen last night? I was meaning to come but I heard that no one our age was there." Sticking her tongue out, she starts telling me about her night instead and how tomorrow is the day she has the big job interview. She seems excited about this new job and I can't help but feel the same for her too. I totally understand her need to do a job she loves, to achieve great things through it and be the best she can. I have always been that way and maybe I still am.

"Hey, I was just kidding. I don't believe you take me seriously." Referring to yet another joke about Jax being younger than me, I quickly wave her off asking her more about her plans. Her rambling is more than welcome today and I will make sure to let her talk as much as she likes.

Another text from him with a photo attached to it, puts a smile on my face. Luanne doesn't let this slide either and taking the phone from my hands, begins a rather long commentary on every person shown in the picture. Placing my phone back on the table, she turns serious before she asks me.

"Are you in love with him, Hope? Cause we all are pretty sure he is head over heels for you. It's none of my business to tell you what to do but if you don't feel the same and this was just a summer fling for you, I suggest you let him know." Stunned by her defensive stance for Jax, I sigh and return my attention to the paper cup. Can I open up to her? Can I tell her about the news I got last night? I haven't even found the courage to call Sandra or my mom yet.