Have you ever reached the stars?

Chapter 9

Jax

To say that what I agreed with Hope isn't going as planned would be the understatement of the century. I am so stupid that I keep sending her suggestive texts but never actually fulfill any of my promises. It's not that I don't want to, on the contrary, I can't stop thinking of making her mine. Seeing her all the time and getting to know her better, only makes matters worse.

It seems as if some higher power doesn't want us to hook up. And I am asking why? Just why can't I get a break? First my sister and her husband, who I stupidly recommended that restaurant to. How should I have known they were going the same night as me? To my surprise the night turned out better than I had expected and honestly Hope seemed cool with having dinner and then drinks with them.

And then any other time things were heating up and I thought that we were good to go, something always messed it up for us. I can see her pretending that it doesn't matter and that what her eyes show are not disappointment but I know better than that.

When I left at seventeen and after the loss of my brother, I had to grow up faster than I should. I started university earlier than others and had to take care of myself ever since. My family provided for anything I needed and paid for all my stupid adventures but what I craved most of the times was for me to be home. I missed them all the time and I hated myself for not being there while they dealt with Declan's passing.

We all agreed that it would be best if I left. The night Declan was killed I made the decision to take all the blame. He had always been the perfect son, the great architect who would bring a revolution to our family business and the best boyfriend according to Luanne. There was no way I was letting his memory be tainted.

It was easy for everyone to believe that I was the one under the influence and that I made him lose control of the car. The truth is, I wasn't even in the passenger seat that night. I never regret my decision to this day even if it changed my life forever.

We were all partying at a friend's house. The summer had officially begun. Schools were over, I had learned I got accepted in the university of my dreams and we were ready for the best summer of our lives. I remember Declan and Luanne dancing and making out all night. I was occupied otherwise but I still had my eyes on him. I had noticed him being weird the past couple of months but every time I had asked him what was going wrong, he would blame the stress from gradually taking over the company.

Our dad was so proud of Declan being so competent and bringing our business a fresh air of change. He was great at what he did but he lacked ideas and skills Declan acquired through studying. Our family has a tradition in constructions. My grandfather from my father's side and his father before him had practically built the entire town. So it is safe to say that it runs in our blood. But my dad had always had high expectations from us. He never got to chance to follow his dream of going to college so he expected us to do what he wasn't able to and be nothing less than the best.

Declan never complained, never disappointed our parents or anyone else for that matter. He was the town's favorite son. Caring, hardworking, obedient and everything else that I wasn't. I never felt like I had to be like him. Our parents had accepted my rebellious nature, the fact that I often got into trouble and that I was never going to be as good as Declan. And honestly they seemed fine with it. When I turned fifteen and declared that I was too going to become an architect I saw the satisfaction in my father's eyes but my mother simply told me to follow my heart. They didn't want to put me in a suffocating box as she put it. She knew that I always wanted to travel, to see the world and be more artistic than wear a suit, have business meetings and deal with the business.

I decided to follow Declan's footsteps after a long discussion I had with him, one morning after being sent home from school for getting caught doing graffiti at the back of the school. The hypocrites never painted that wall. I heard one of my teachers say that it was a true work of art but I had to be punished to deter other students from loitering school property. Bullshit. So that's when he talked me into making use of my talent in drawing and gain something from it. He made me believe that it would be great to work side by side, to build the house of our dreams and live together doing anything we wanted. I would have relative freedom as he would be in charge after dad would step down and all the nice things I wanted to hear.