Have you ever reached the stars?

Chapter 15

Hope

My eyes are closed, my drink is on the floor and I am pretty sure there are sounds coming out of my mouth but I can't be so sure about it. The butterflies are back and I want them to stay this time. I need them to remind me that Jax makes me feel special. I need to feel alive like this.

"Why are you ignoring me tonight?" the question leaves my mouth as soon as Jax ends our kiss. I see him arching his eyebrow while a small smile is shadowing his mouth. Oh that mouth. When he doesn't answer, I press him further bombarding him with the questions that have been torturing me since the moment I saw him earlier. Have I done anything wrong? He said he missed me.

"If you are quite finished, I would like to defend myself." Nodding, I cross my arms in front of me while I can see that everyone around us has quietened down. The band is probably about to start. My focus returns to him and just for a second I regret acting like this. Who am I to demand his attention? Why does it bother me so much? The terms of our little agreement haven't changed. This is totally uncalled for. I should apologize and ask him to forget about it.

"I didn't know how you wanted me to act. If my memory doesn't fool me, you were very clear about keeping this thing between us a secret. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable in front of everyone. I have no problem kissing you, holding you or whatever else you want me to do in public Hope. Hell, I can even go up that stage, grab the mic and let everyone in this club know that you are mine. But the truth is you don't want that, do you?"

Stunned by his reaction, I remain silent trying to decode it. Does he mean that I don't want him to embarrass me in front of everyone by declaring we are together on stage or the fact that I don't want to be his? I take a glimpse of his expectant eyes and I feel so guilty right now. He is right. I reminded him one too many times to keep this a secret and hide from everyone in town. He never agreed to this and it was my insistence and the respect he held for me that made him comply. I understand now how much my stupid decision has been affecting him this whole time.

"I was meaning to have a talk with you in a more appropriate time and place but I guess this will work just fine. The thing is that I made a huge mistake the night I made this deal with you." fear starts engulfing me. He has regretted this and wants to end it before I leave. He's had enough of my childish behavior and constant hide and sick. I guess I won't have my precious two more weeks after all.

"So what I am trying to say here is that I was wrong when I warned you about trying not to fall in love with me before the summer ends." I stop breathing for a moment. My mind is not in the right place to think clearly right now. Music starts playing and I won't be able to hear him. I need to know what he means. We need to get out of here but fear has me paralyzed. I don't want him to end this. I don't want to stay here a day longer if I can't spend it with him.

"It should have been me that had to be warned. Because baby I have fallen in love with you and there is no point in denying it. I know that you don't feel the same and I am okay with this but you know I can't lie. I can't pretend that what you and I have is something meaningless or temporary. I have feelings for you that range from respect and awe to love." Fly beautiful butterflies. He does want me, he does feel the same, and he doesn't regret it but maybe............. he should.

"Jax, I don't know what to say. You catch me off guard here. I didn't expect this. I am...." Placing his finger on my lips to silence me, he puts his other arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. My body relaxes the moment my head touches his chest and magically, I don't want to talk anymore. I don't want to explain, to try to show him that it's not right, to try to convince him that it would be best if he forgot about how he feels for me. I don't want to do any of those things because I just want to feel with him even if it's just for a few more days.