Have you ever reached the stars?

Chapter 13

Jax

A huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders, but I can't shake the feeling that I betrayed Declan. Never in the eight years following his death, had I imagined the time when I could speak the truth and reveal my darkest secret. I may sound selfish and cruel but I couldn't take this anymore.

When Luanne attacked Hope with all those hurtful words I lost it. I care about Hope and I wasn't lying when I told her that I am going to miss her once she leaves. I know that what we started is only temporary and no feelings can be involved but I really can't help it.

Sex with Hope is amazing. I would never have thought that a fierce, successful woman like her would be insecure in bed. She has a unique ability to turn me on without even trying. I love watching her blush whenever I tease her or when she hesitates before doing to me what she wants. I swear just the thought of her naked in my bed makes me hard instantly.

She claims that I help her rediscover the sexy part of herself and I happily take the credits for the passionate woman she has proven to be. There hasn't been a single boring moment with her and not just in bed. Together we have made our mission to live the summer of our life. I try to offer her something different everyday and up until the day in her kitchen, I had made a pretty good job.

I am expecting her to be back tomorrow after the five days she spent at her aunt's and my heart does weird things. Could I be falling in love with her? Nah, it's too soon. I blame all the tension and crying that followed my heart to heart with Luanne. Hope had to leave the day after the big revelation and although she didn't have the chance to speak with Luanne before she left I reassured her that they were cool.

I on the other hand had the opportunity to sit down with Luanne and Luke and talk about everything and anything. We kept meeting every day after work. We laughed; cried and thought about the signs we all ignored the last couple of months before Declan died. It was evident to all of us that something was wrong but we were too blind to admit that the man we all loved so much, was no longer the same. Could we have made any difference if we had intervened? Would he still be alive if any of us had caught on earlier that he had strayed? Probably. But we all agreed to keep the nice memories from him, to stop torturing ourselves with what ifs and carry on living our lives as best as we could. Declan would have wanted this.

I know that my words hurt Luanne and if I am being honest I am not sure they were totally true. I know he loved her but he never mentioned settling down with her. Is this how one-sided love feels? Do people confuse their partner's attraction with everlasting love, plans for the future and fairytale endings?

Luanne has forgiven me and after endless hours of talking and drinking we have finally made progress. She is still pissing me off with random comments but I know she doesn't mean them. Luke apologized for feeding Luanne's hatred against me although knowing the truth and I forgave him as well. Life is too short to be living with a heavy heart, hold grudges and nest hatred in your heart. I just want to live in peace, laugh, experience and love. Yes love.

Life is too boring to be spent alone. I want to find someone who I can share my life with. I want to wake up with my girl in my arms, make plans, travel the world, see the stars at night and the sun rising in the early hours of the day. I want someone to vent when I am stressed and someone to share my silly jokes with. I want to cook a special dinner for no reason and walk holding hands on the beach.

I know Hope has the whole package but unfortunately for me, she is not the one. If only she knew how much I want her in my life! Had I told her what I think, she would run for the hills. She is destined for greater things not get stuck in a town like this. As much as I want her to be here, I would never do that to her. She is a career driven, a strong willed, ambitious woman who would suffer from staying in a place like this.