A Forbidden Dream | Lee Taeyong x Reader

Chapter 19:

~ Y/N's P.O.V. ~

I didn't know what Taeyong meant when he said that he'll be there for me, too. However, I didn't want to ask questions about it because he might feel uncomfortable with it once again. Maybe Taeyong somehow sees me in a different way... Maybe he finally realizes how broken I am to hear him say these words... Well, I know that I'm not as broken as he could be but maybe I am a bit broken, too.

"Y/N, please don't cry..."

None of his sincere words even helped me to stop crying.

"I... I just can't handle seeing you like this. The memories about something you regret suddenly coming back to you can make you feel like shit and it's so painful to see you like this! I just feel like there's something that I'm lacking to do and I don't know what to do about it... like at all..."
"... You're not lacking anything. What you're doing is more than enough."

He says as he cups my face once more, using his thumbs to wipe my tears away.

~ Taeyong's P.O.V. ~

How can I make myself good enough for her? How can I make her feel better? Maybe if I could just tell her how much she means to me and how she saved me from ever going overboard with my broken mind. If I could just tell her during those times I played with the makeup or those long talks we had how she's the only one who gave me a breath of hope or that she's the only one who introduced me to a new beginning, this wouldn't have happened.

Maybe if I just told her that I loved her, this would've been easier to deal with... but I can't because I'm supposed to look at her as my guide to my new world of being a convicted murderer and not as someone that I love the most.

"If I could just tell you all those things I wanted to tell for so long... but I can't."
"... Why?"

With this slow head I have, I don't know what to say back.

"... Because it's not meant to be this way."

I saw the curiosity in her as she tilted her head in confusion, later shaking her head before letting out a sigh.

"... I know that I shouldn't be feeling like this when you've been abused for so many years and not even having a clue about what true love feels like but I always feel like I don't know what I'm doing when I give too much and whenever I don't give too much, I just feel like I'm not doing enough."

I let out a sigh, closing my eyes shut for a while as I know that she's never going to let this whole "lacking" thing go.

"... You know, maybe it's because you never lacked at all. Those people who left you for others were the ones who lacked at doing something because they couldn't fulfill your wishes into whatever you had with them. I am sure that anything about that whole cheating thing isn't your fault because you know that you gave them your everything while they didn't do that in return."

I take a pause, staring at the ceiling as I try to come up with words that might just make her forget those thoughts. That's unusual, she usually gives me all this advice and now, I'm giving the advice? Too unusual for me.

"They missed the opportunity of spending their lives with you so don't feel too bad about yourself because it's their loss, not yours. Because of our friendship, I learned how to forget some of the emotions that I've felt before because of those... incidents that just happened for some reason... If you look at it in that way, it doesn't really seem like you're lacking in something. Y/N, there are still good people even if I've been treated that way and one of them is you... so you should already know that you're enough."