I've been Challenged Once, Given Coffee Twice

The Eye of Nefertiti

Short Story created for The Random Favorite Thing Writing Challenge.
Prompts: humor, purple gem, adventure; more less 500 words.

The Eye of Nefertiti

I wiped the sweat off my forehead. 'Uff! Damned pyramids! Weren't the Egyptians masters of construction? Why the Hell they didn't make windows! My hair is all frizzed for this dampness and heat. Thank God I'm wearing waterproof makeup, if not I'll look like the Joker!' I stroke down the hammer one more time with all my strength and "Ouch! F*ck! I broke a nail!"

A feeble beam of purple light came out from a small gap on the yellowish stoned wall. I smacked and stroked and hit and thumped and ended with the synonyms... And the wall came down. "Oh, no my boots! My new leather black boots that makes me feel like Cat Woman! Prrrrr..."

The lavender glow filled the cave like place blinding me. I put on my new aviator styled Ray Ban lenses and 'holy smokes! "I make these look good!"

I advanced walking with sensual cadence. "Gosh!" I tripped.

There! There was the most precious treasure...

"Precious... Oh my precious!"

"Shut up Gollum! This treasure in mine!" I pulled the trigger of my M16 and made a thousand holes in the hideous being. "Hasta la vista baby!"

It was the Eye of Nefertiti. The biggest amethyst in the world. It belonged to both Cleopatra and Nefertiti. The legend says it has the power of eternal youth and beauty. And it was all mine!

"Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Evil laugh echoed in the pyramid's dark catacombs!

I was about to take the purple stone in my hands when out if nowhere appeared a little creature dressed in green like an elf and wearing an elf's hat and boots. He managed to grab the stone before I did.

"What are you?" I was mortified.

"Really?!" The (Oh, it's an elf! Duh!) replied.

"Hey! That's mine." I was to take the amethyst off his hand.

"No,no. Wait! If you want it you need to resolve my riddle!" His wide grin showed his big teeth plastered with gold. The yellowish metal glistened.

"I think is fair." I replied satisfied.

"How many is one plus one?" He asked with solemnity.

"Oh, no! Can't you give me an easier one?" I was terrified. Didn't know that. Oh I hate riddles! They are always so hard to guess... Wish I was Irish!

"What?" The elf stared at me puzzled.

Suddenly it was heard a slapping sound. The elf was rubbing his hand and the stone was gone. Both the elf and I turned back to find Indiana Jones untying the amethyst off his whip.

The guy snorted and waved good bye.

"How I hate that guy! He always gets the treasures!" I protested with anger pouting and kicking on the stoned floor.

After a few seconds that thief Jones left, I heard heavy steps of some one running. Out of the dim hall appeared Lara Croft.

'That b*itch! How I hate her!'

"I saw Indiana leaving a minute ago... Don't tell me I'm late and he has the amethyst?" She stood tall, pretty and slender. Yes I hated her.

"Yes, you are late. I didn't get the Eye of Nefertiti... But I leave with some gold pieces." I smiled and winked. The elf was thrown on the floor. No teeth in his mouth.