Hamesha and Forever - Sidnaaz

Chapter 10

"Sidharth ye hotel ka raasta nhi hai" she said suddenly
"I know" he answered, his words clipped and short.
"Mujhe hotel Jana hai! Abhi mor gaari"
"Shut up Shehnaaz! Hum ye jhagra khatam karein ge phir hi tu kahin jaye gi!"
"Mujhe Tere se koi baat nahi karni! Abhi gari moro!" She snapped at him
He didn't answer
"mein kuch bol rahi hoon!"
"Shehnaaz, mein bhi bol raha hoon ke shut. Up!" His voice was loud and he was too clouded with anger and frustration.
"mujhe hotel Jana hai aur kahin nhi Jana!"
"Hum Abhi hotel nhi jaa rahe. Okay? Not before this is sorted!"
She inhaled, "Gaari rok!"
"Huh?"
"Roko! Meine kahin nahi Jana! ya toh tu mujhe hotel drop ker ya yahin chor de! Mein khud chalo jaon gi!" She roared
Of course he didn't stop the car.
"Sidharth tu na soch samajh ke pangey le mere se mein bohot kutti cheez hoon tu jaanta nhi hai Abhi mujhe"
he laughed mockingly at that.
"Gaarie rok Sidharth! Meine utarna hai! Abhi ABHI! ROK BHE*****D" Tears spilled again as she watched him laugh at her and she almost screamed, "Paghal samjha hai mujhe?! Paghal kardiya hai! Mein paghal ho jaon gi! Mein theek ni hoon! Mein theek ni hoo! Tu gaari rok abhi Abhi nhi toh mein aise hi Darwaza khola doon gi!" She was screaming, crying, too frustrated with everything, and especially his behavior.
His head snapped towards her as he looked at her, like really looked at her.
Her eyes were too darn puffy and red, tears spilling out without a stop and all his anger vanished. She was so hurt. So much, too much. To the point that it was painful to look into her eyes that questioned and blamed him.
He immediately stopped the car by the side but locked the door. The road was quite with just a few roadside medical shops open at the hour but they too were a few meters ahead.
She furiously tried opening the door and when she couldn't, she let out a frustrated groan, as more tears leaked out.
"Shehnaaz" he said softly, knowing that she was a ticking bomb right now.
She put her head in her arms and bent down so that that her head was in her lap. She was sobbing.
He touched her shoulder. When she didn't react, he moved forward and held both her shoulders, pulling her up. He was leaning over the gear as he moved towards her and engulfed her crying body.
It wasn't them hugging but him holding her as she cried and sobbed.
And as soon as he did that, she broke apart.
She cried loudly, wailed, holding him ever so tightly, slapping his chest, clawing at it.

"Tere ko hotel Jana hai toh chaltey hein, I'll drop you. Thori der drive pe chalna hai toh chaltey hein...ya ghar chaltey hein vaapas.."
he said after a while when she had quietened down.
"Yehi rehte hein thori der, phir hotel drop kar dena" She replied, sniffing, as she moved away and wiped her face.
He stayed quiet, watching her.
They needed to talk, but she didn't look like she could manage that right now.
"Baat karney ki himmat hai?" he asked softly
"Tujhe baat karni hai?"
"issi liye poochh raha hoon na" he replied.
She looked at him, his face. His beautiful face that she had absolutely fallen in love with. The face she knew by inch, the face she had memorized in big boss as he had slept beside her.
She knew itt pained him to see her like this, but she was in much more pain. An undescribable one - to feel that a person you love and need, might not need you back, not as much as you do, it is harsh, brutal. To feel someone who makes you feel alive, slipping from your grasp, it gives a taste of death.
But the worst, THE WORST is when they do love you back, but do not find you worth it. That's what she believed. She knew, knew so very well that he loved her, she could see it in his eyes, in his actions, in his whole aura around her. But she had seen his world. She had seen the friends of his that came on the show, she had seen the exes of his, she had seen how well spoken and elite his sisters and niece were and she felt inadequate in his big, beautiful world. She believed he felt she didn't belong, and hell it was true, she didn't belong. Or so she thought. and it was all so messed up for her. She needed his answer, clear and fair. Did he want her in his life? Yes or No. She couldn't and wouldn't live on the edge of both just for the sake of being with him. She wouldn't. She didn't deserve it. And neither did he.
He on other hand, was just as confused and unhinged.
He loved her? Yes, yes he did. He hadn't confessed it to himself yet but he knew, he knew he did.
But was it the romantic or the platonic kind?
He was so possessive for her, so territorial. The days he spent without her outside bb were well, unsettling, it felt like he was missing a part of him. and he was hella attracted to her physically. So fucking much, to the point that it was hard for him to control his libido at times. and if this isn't romantic kind of love, wtf is? his mind screamed.
But why was he hesitating then? He didn't know.
Would she fit in to his world? Would he fit in to her world? Wasn't she too young for him? Wouldnt it make her bound to him while she could be exploring all the other fishes in the world? Would she be happy with her own decision after a few years? Can they make it work? What if she gets bored of him? What if they realise all it was was that they were too attached and they just grow out of it with time? These questions lingered around his matured mind. And the biggest question for him was her show. Even though he didn't make it evident, he despised it and he hated her for signing it. What was the point? Why had she signed it if she was so serious about him. It irked him and even though he tried reasoning with himself, he couldn't get himself to get over it.
"Tu sahi se, sachi sachi jawaab de ga meri baaton ka?" She confirmed
"han na gadhi! bola na haan!" he said as earnestly as he could.
"Tu....Tu mere se - I mean.." She fumbled, suddenly intimidated with his presence and his boring gaze on her. She looked at his face, a small smile had started to appear there.
"Sidharthhh" she whined, closing her eyes.
"haan baby?" he whined back, absolutely childishly.
"tu mera mazaak ura raha hai na!"
"mein kyon araon ga? kabhi nahi!" he laughed, biting the inside of his cheek.
She stared at him furiously, brows furrowed, eyes squinted, hiding down the blush that was creeping up.
"Oh My God! Shehnaaz Gill hichkicha rahi hai! Vaah re teri - AAA Mummy!" he couldn't compete as he was met with a tight slap on his arm.
She know looked at him, genuinely furious, but much more confident. The Girl that she was. She looked at him confidently, smirking as she rose from her seat and started scrambling into his.
"Oye aye! Ye kya kar rhi hai?!"
"mujh se pange na liya kar! Ab tu bhirr iss Shehnaaz Gill se"
"Shehnaaz. Kaur. Gill" he corrected as he adjusted her on his lap, her facing him and her feet on both his sides.
"Koi dekh lega na toh tera vo *juloos* nikley ga hum dono ka!"
"juloos to tera mein khud nikaloon gi! Jatta naal pangey na laya kar Shukla!" She smirked, her eyes still puffy.
He smiled at her. A genuine sweet smile. and she smiled back, sighing, putting her head on his shoulder, her face into his hair behind his ears.
"Tu pyar karta hai mere se?" she said and his breath stuck in chest, blood rushed to his ears, making them red. His mind fell into whirlpool of questions and insecurities.
"huh?"
"karta hai? sachi sachi bolna!"
"Shehnaaz..." He bit the inside of his cheek, looking away towards the window and she felt her heart drop. Like physically drop into her stomach.
"sidharth?" Her voice was small and shaky.
"Hmm"
"Tu jawaab de raha hai?"
"koi jawaab hi nhi hai darling, kese doon?" He ran his fingers through his hair .
Her heart was thudding loudly as she got off his lap. The rejection, it had hit her like a slap across her face. She felt stupid. Stupid. Stupid to even expect love from him. What was she even thinking! They were miles apart! Miles apart! So different. But....the other half of her mind screamed at her that she knew he loved her! IT WAS SO EVIDENT. But then...why was he doing this? Because you're not fucking upto his standard, her brain lashed at her and she physically whispered.
He immediately felt this absence of her soft, warm body as she scarmbled to her seat and his head snapped towards her. She looked so broken, and so dejected and he felt a sharp pain shoot through his chest.
He wanted to gather her and kiss her fucking senseless, because he did fucking love her. He did. He did and he knew she knew. But his inhibitions, his insecurities, his worries...he couldn't get past them.
He wanted to, like really really wanted to just open his heart to her, but....his mind was stuck. Stuck on the bloody heck of her show and his bloody insecurities.
"Meri jaan-"
"It's okay. Kuch mat bol please"
"Shehnaaz please, baat sun le Meri..." He felt his throat getting constricted, she looked defeated. And a defeated Shehnaaz is the hardest to look at. An angry Shehnaaz, a hurt Shehnaaz, a fighting Shehnaaz, a disappointed Shehnaaz - it was all fine but, he wasn't used to of seeing her so defeated.
"No! No! Sidharth Shukla No! No....." She whispered firmly, her tears threatening to fall.
She wished to slap him; for pampering her, caring for her, cherishing her, loving her.....but still rejecting her. So brutally. It crushed her. And yet, the only thing she wanted to do was crawl into his lap, I to the warmth of his hard, toned and yet soft chest, shove her face into his neck and feel his arms come around her, his finger pressing into her sides.
"Achaa Achha okay! Okay baba. Please don't cry sweetheart" he whispered, unable to be louder as he wiped her tear with his thumb.
"dur reh please! Dur reh mere se!" She shoved his hand away, moving backwards.
"What?!" He asked, startled.
"Tu bekaar ki umeed mat dilwaa mujhe! Samjha!? Agar nhi karta Pyar to nhi karta! Ek dafa bol aur khatam kar! Meko sooli pe latkaya hua hai! Bata!" She barked at him, "Ab tu bata! Chal nhi roti" she furiously wiped her face and he panicked looking at her dishelved state. "Nhi ro rahi! Bata! Tu pyar karta hai? Yes or no? BOL! BOL! Bata aur khatam kar humara ye qissa! Nhi karta toh bata de kyon ye mujh se nahi hoga Sidharth Shukla ab!Meko kuch nhi rakhna tere Saath! Bol"
Her head had started to spin and in the rush of emotions, she grabbed his t-shirt, pulling it towards her, bringing their faces only inches apart.
His eyes flickered to hers. Her pained, teary red eyes, and he suddenly felt the panic rise as he registered what she had said. To let her go.
"Meri jaan mat ker. Please mat ker Shehnaaz, please mat Meri jaan. Please mat mat" he mumbled, almost begging her, hoping desperately she'd understand what he was asking for

And she did. And she stopped. Because whether or not he loved her, whether or not he confessed, she knew she loved him. And she would give him that love till she can, she will give into him for as long as she can - till she found it in herself. And even now, even though he had rejected her, she would give him the peace he was asking for.

She left his shirt. His eyes were red and nerves had appeared on his forehead. She traced her fingers on them, trying to smooth them out.
They were still so close and he rested his head on her shoulder in relief and she moved her hand into his hair, resting it there.

"Nhi bataye ga?" She asked quietly after a few minutes, a lot calmed and composed. Because she could see his care for her, his inclination towards her as he had rested his head on her shoulder.
And it was the strength she needed.

Here it is! I hope you can connect to the story still. For reference, read the previous one. Love you all 💖🥺