Hamesha and Forever - Sidnaaz

Chapter 14

"Kya problem kya hai! bole gi?" he asked, holding her firmly from her shoulders, bending down to her height.
"Mujhe Tere se bata nahi karni" She looked away.
"Shehnaaz why are you doing this?! Kya Kiya yaar meine?" he asked, a little irritated now.
They had come to her hotel and it had been half an hour of TRYING desperate to talk to her.
But she kept on dodging him, dodging his questions. She kept on roaming around the room, folding her clothes, packing some, unpacking some, rummaging through her things.
"Tu ne kuch ni kiya. Tu ne toh kuch Kiya hi Nhi. Tu toh lalla hai" she rolled her eyes, sighing at him.
"Yaar ab na tera zyada ho raha hai" he left her arms and walked back, dejected and hurt.
And that's pissed her off a hundred folds more.
HOW WAS HE EVEN SAYING THAT?!? MERA KYA ZYADA HO RAHA HAI?? she thought and she said exactly that
"Mera Kya zyada ho rha hai han? Mera Kya zyada ho raha hai? Meine Kya Kiya bc?! Sab toh tu kar raha hai" She scoffed, pushing him on his chest.
and he felt relieved. At least she was talking.
"Nhi, bol! Bol na chup kyon ho gaya benchoo!" she pushed him more, and he cowered back, a smile threatening to break on his face as he almost fell behind on the bed.
"Tera na Shukla dimagh kharaab ho gaya hai aur Tu Mera bhi kar raha hai! Abhi Hass raha hai, Kal chilla raha tha, thori der pehle ghussa kar raha tha!!" She gave him the last push that he needed to fall down on the bed.
"Toh baat kar ley na yaar! Dekh kitni der se Mana raha hoon tujhe" he smirked.
"Ye manana hota hai? ye manana hota hai?? Tu bass bakwaas karey jaa rha hai *baat karley baat karley!* Pata nhi Kya khaarish hai! Kya baat kroon Tere se Mein?? Kuch baat karney ko bacha hi nhi hai..." she turned around, picking her clothes from the bed beside him and walked to the armoire, folding them.
"Jab tu ne keh hi diya hai ke nhi hai mere pe bharosa. Nhi Hoon mein bharosey ke laiq. Toh bass ab kya baat karni hai tujhe..." she mumbled.

The last faint bit of hope. The hope that never left her heart. The hope that kept her going. The hope that made her bring him to the hotel. The hope that made her capable of the strength to have him around her without breaking down. The hope, it still glimmered in the small cracks.
Maybe he would....she didn't know what she hoped for. She just knew yearned to listen something from him. anything. anything that resemble an assurance, a trust....
"Aur uss ke baad sorry bhi bola meine, nhi?" He said.
She had turned her back to him. Why was she not facing him. Had he done it last night? had he crossed the limit? had the pain exceeded her endurance? Was this damage irreparable?
he didn't know. because he didn't know this Shehnaaz. This Shehnaaz who was hiding from him, escaping him.
and it was true. Sidharth Shukla had never seen such a dejected Shehnaaz. mostly, because Shehnaaz had never been someone who hid their emotions. It was all plain and clear on her face. always.
But not right now. It couldn't be. She didn't want any sympathy from him. She didn't want any affection out of apathy. It would make her feel disgusted, and betrayed - as if she isn't worth the love otherwise.
"Shehnaaz mein Baat kar raha hoon na" his tone was raised. It was laced with a warning.
She sighed, her hands stopped folding the t shirt.
"Tere sorry ka Kya kron mein? Bola toh tu ne vohi na Jo Tere Dil mein tha. Yehi sochta hai na tu mere baarey mein. Toh phir? Kya karoon mein? Tu meko hurt karney ke Liye sorry hai, but sach bolney ke Liye toh sorry nhi ho sakta na"
She had clean bowled him. Left him absolutely speechless. What was he to say to her? How to make her understand? What did he even want to make her understand?
He was clueless. He just knew that he wanted her out of this misery. This was too much for her to take, he could see it. But he needed time, and... a lot of things, first of all, some clarity.
"Darling baat thorey clear minded tareeqe-"
He started but she cut him
"Mein bilkul clear hoon Sidharth. Bilkul clear hoon mein. Apney mind mein, apney rishtey ko le ke. Har cheez mein atleast mein clear toh hoon! But tu nhi hai! toh jab tu clear ho mere se tab baat kariyo"
She turned around to face him, speaking with determination.
But this determination...
..., It faltered.....It faltered as he got up from the bed.
It faltered as he walked towards her, so painstakingly slow, it made her breath hitch.
The determination faltered as his hands reached her, brushed on her ears and then cupped her face.
Her determination faltered as he looked at her. Like actually really looked at her.
She knew he could see right through her facade. Right through the "I'm okay" lie of hers. And the tears that had been choking her, they resurfaced as she felt her heart throb violently in it's place.
"Kya hua hai Meri jaan! Tujhe ho kya gaya hai baby?" He whispered and she gave in.
She couldnt stand strong infornt of this Sidharth. This Sidharth that held her like she was a doll made of glass. She couldn't.
She dreaded this, she dreaded breaking in front of him. But she needed it more than that.
Her dainty hands bunched his t-shirts from the back as her head fell on his chest and his big muscly arms wrapped around her shoulders, hiding her away.