Hamesha and Forever - Sidnaaz

Chapter 12

"Ye kya behavior hai! Phone toh uthaye na! Kar kya rahi hai ye! 12 bajj gaye hein! Breakfast nhi brunch ho gaya hai ye!" He groaned aloud. He was at Preeti di's house for the *breakfast* they had planned the day before but Shehnaaz, she hadn't arrived yet and they had been waiting for almost 1 hour or so.
" Maybe so rahi ho Abhi tak! Thaki hui hogi na vo!" Preeti reasoned as they all settled on the table.
"but thora kabhi maturely behave karna hota hai na! Banda message kar deta hai ke nahi ana, ya whatever, ye kya hai ke phone band ker ke bethi hai!"
"Mamu what yar! So rahi hogi na! Ajeeb ho aap chillaye jaa rahe ho! Khaa lo nashta nhi toh jao hotel se jaa ke lao aap itni problem hai toh" Riya groaned at his constant bickering.
"Sarrey ussi hotel mein!" He faked being offended as he silently checked if she had seen his WhatsApp message from last night. She hadn't. He was worried sick. Last night....was a blunder. How would she be doing? Would she be okay? Had she slept at night? Was she still sleeping? Was she unwell? What if.....what if she had done something to herself- no! No! He reprimanded. She was a strong girl, way stronger than him. It was stupid to think such a thing, but the heart doesn't listen to any logics, does it? It only continues to worry for it's beloved.
Yes, it's beloved. Because Sidharth Shukla's heart had always belonged to Shehnaaz Kaur Gill. Because she was the mate to his soul, she was home to him. Romantic, platonic? He was yet to properly realise, but one thing was sure, she was the mate for his soul. And he needed her by his side to survive. One may call it a habit they had developed of each other, so be it.
And one when someone is so special and important, the insecurity are the highest, the tests are the most difficult.

Like Sidharth, Shehnaaz was giving the Love's test too, as she lay sleeping on her hotel bed with a splitting head ache.

She was in the middle of a crowd. He was beside her. She was laughing. But then he disappeared. She called out to him only to be pulled in and out of the huge crowd, her voice drowning in the chaos, as she gasped for breath. And then, there he was on a big platform, resembling a stage that kept rising. He was still laughing, smiling. "Sidharth!" She screamed and he saw her. But his eyes did not a stop on her, they moved along, through the flocks of people. She was part of the crowd. "Sidharth!"

"Si-!" She woke up, breathing frantically, hand on her heart, sweating.
*Khwaab tha, khwaba tha sirf.* She repeated to herself. But the memories from yesterday started filling in, and the memory of his rejection, it came as a punch to her gut and she physically howled forward.
He didn't love her. Ofcourse. Ofcourse. Not in the way she wanted.
She gathered herself out of the bed, pouring herself a glass of water.
He didn't love her. She let the reality sink in.
He was her friend. He was emotionally attached to her. He needed her. She let this reality sink in.
It may seem or sound comforting, but it isn't- To feel that the person you love does need you, but you're not worth their love. It leaves you withering.
To being beside him and but not being able to hold him to herself freely. To love him but not say it. To have him but not for herself. To have him just as much as anyone else - it suffocated her.
How was she to face him? How was she to look at him and not cry. How to feel his breath on her neck as he hugs her and not kiss him.
How was she to do that?

She suddenly realised her phone was ringing. It was Shehbaaz.
Life goes on. Whatever goes in on your heart, life goes on despite it. And she knew how to face it, not that she had a way around it.
"Hello, haan Shehbaaz?"
"Kiddan moto? Inni call kittin mein tenu! Phone kyon ni chakya?" His was voice boomed as Soon as she picked up
"Yaa-"
"Chal chadd! Jadon tussi free ho jou Sidharth ke ghar se, menu call Karin! Tenu kisi-"
"Ek minute bc! Time kya hua?" She checked on her phone, "Oh Shit Shehbaaz! O kutteya! 3 bajj gaye! Menu jagaya bhi ni! Shit shit!"
"Shehnaaz tu gayi nhi Sidharth ke ghar???" He gasped
"Yaar tension mat de mujhe! Fuck man! Di ne especially breakfast or bulaya tha yaar!"
"Sheh-" 
"Ab tu phone rakh bc! Meko sochney de kuch" she quickly cut his call and double checked the time.
It was 3 O clock! Sidharth must be FURIOUS. Di must be so hurt.
She checked her call and message logs...There were no calls from Sidharth.
There was a message from last night
"kal breakfast hai di ke ghar. Bhoolna mat! And sorry"
Oh Shit!
She rubbed her forehead in exasperation. What must she do? And his *sorry* deeply offended her.
What was this bullshit? What was she to make out of it? What was he sorry for? He had spoken the truth hadn't he? He had meant it, hadn't he? Then what was there to be sorry about it?
And what a sorry! What a arrogant, ignorant sorry.
"Kuch bhi bol do phir sorry bol do. An sab khatam. Aise thori yaar" she sighed, trying the gulp down the knot in her throat.
But She had to apologize to Di. It was so irresponsible of her to have missed The breakfast. So rude! But where should she get the number?
Ask Sidharth?
She didn't want to. Not because she was heartbroken, but because she didn't want to cry for him again. She didn't want to look like she was begging for his love. She didn't want him to love her out of apathy or sympathy. She despised it. And it would be impossible for her to listen to his voice without breaking into tears. His words were still fresh on her bruised heart.

She decided to Drop by Di's house on her way to where Shehbaaz had called her. Di's house was below Sidharth's in the same flat so hopefully he won't see her. HOPEFULLY. And yet a big part of her heart HOPED she comes across him and he takes her in his arms and let her cry her heart out.
Changing into a kurti she had worn in Msk, she only applied a dark shade of lipstick.

He didn't even call her to check if she was fine! He didn't even messege. Did he even care? Her mind wallowed and cried as she climbed to the first floor of his apartment, to Di's house.

"Shehnaaz?! Arey kahan thi yaar! Subha ayi kyon Nhi? Sab theek?" Preeti immediately hugged her as she opened the door.
Preeti's eyes resembled Sidharth's, She realised.
"Di I'm so so sorry! Mein sorry hi bolney ayi hoon subha ke liye! Pata Meri aankh hi Nhi khuli! Meine alarm bhi lagaya tha but.....mein itni thaki hui thi. I'm sorry"
"Arey it's okay! Koi baat nhi! Meine yehi socha tha ke gun thaki hui hogi! It's okay! Andar ao na"
"nhi di bass mein chalti hoon! Shehbaaz ne kisi se milwana tha toh mujhe vahan Jana hai. Mein bass sorry bolneu ayi thi. Mujhe bohot bura lag raha hai..."
"Arey ho jata hai Shehnaaz. Tension not my girl! Aur itni door ayi bass sorry bolney? Phone pe hi bol deti agar kahin Jana tha toh"
"Mere pass number hi nhi hai. Aur meine kaha bass jaa ke sorry bol doon face to face!"
"Ah achha achha! Abhi likh lo number - 000000000 " she told her number as Shehnaaz saved it in her phone.
"Mein chalti hoon did! Aur phir se sorry subha ke liye!"
"arey bass karo! Mujhe toh bura lag raha hai ke Tum aise hi darwazey se jaa rahi ho"
"nhi di! Phir kisi din aon gi! Bye! Riya ko Pyar dena" she bid goodbye, kissing her check.
Her heart hammering as she moved down the stairs. Half her heart begged Sidharth to come out from somewhere and ask her what she was doing her, hug her, the other half was hoped she didn't come across him.
She scrambled into the car beside Shehbaaz and they left the colony.

What the FUCK? Was he hallucinating right now? What was Shehnaaz doing here? Was it her? He had seen her figure scrambling into the car from his balcony and by the time he had reached downstairs, the car had gone. Was that her? But why? Had she come to meet him but changed her mind. But why?!?? Didn't she know he needed her right now! Can't she come to him like she always does! Why did she go without meeting him.
Or maybe it wasn't her.....
His hand now itched more than before to click on her number that he had opened on his phone contemplating to call or not.

Here you go! I'm SUPER busy, can't even tell you, yet I SOMEHOW managed this. I don't know how it is tho! ❤️