Hamesha and Forever - Sidnaaz

Chapter 15

"Kyon itni jaldi ghuttan mehsoos honey lag pari?" she asked Rohan.
She had been given the task to choose one of the boys to take on a date outside the show and hence there she sat in the glass area, asking Rohanpreet why he wanted to go outside on a date with her.
"Nhi bahar jaa ke Banda thora fresh ho jaye ga na" Rohan convinced her.
"Aise tujhe har baar thori na moqa Miley ga" sh said, trying to be stern but a big broad smile broke out on her face as she saw Balraaj approach them both from outside the glass and both the boys joining their hands
"Behn ban ke maan ja!" "Behn ban ke le ja" the laughed and she guffawed at the two!
"Camera capture karo! Ye dono commit kar chuke mein inn ki behn hoon! Kehte behn baan ke maan ja!" She laughed, a little relieved.
This meant they weren't so serious. It did, right? It meant that like her, they too were just in it for the show.
She felt like half the burden on her shoulders had been lifted. She didn't want to break their hearts. She dreaded doing it. She had developed a bond with a few and Rohan was a friend from before the show, How was She to break their hearts?
no, Don't take her wrong. The bond, it wasn't anything intimate or anything even minutely close to her and Sidharth's bond. Not even a miniscule of it. It was just a platonic friendship and thus she did not want them heart broken.

The show itself was going fine. The contestants very very supportive and did not make her feel uncomfortable. Of course, with a few exceptions. The doctor, he definitely got on her nerves, but she could cater with a little bullshit, big boss had taught her well how to do that.
Everyone seemed to have started realising that she wasn't available, that she had made a mistake signing the show and they THANK FULLY seemed okay with it. They tried flirting with her now mad then but when she showed red flags, they always obliged.
But she was a hundred percent sure, the creatives wouldn't let this go on. The NEEDED trps and they would take as much advantage out of this situation as they possibly could. They would make her the bad guy, show case her as someone keeping the boys' hopes high, show how *Hurt* the contestants were. They would drag Sidharth's name in it too. She knew it all too well.
But how? how and when? She didn't know. She had no idea.........She HATED being so helpless but she was, she could only wait for the producers to turn the peace on the set upside down.
She had expected it to happen from the start of this week, but surprisingly, when she came on set on Monday, things were pretty cool.
On the set, they were
I'm her heart? Well, there was. raging storm there. A constant push or pull.
The Saturday, she had told Sidharth to leave her hotel room, and to talk to her when he had made his decision. She had told him to leave the room in am instant and like the gentleman he was, he had complied.

"......jab...jab Mere ex....uss ki Shaadi ka messege Mila tha na, mein seerioun (stairs) se gir gayi thi...magar Baad mein khud uthi thi. Agar tu ne bhi vohi kiya Sidharth mein nhi uth paon gi. mein issi liye tujhe bol rahi hoon. Ye toh abhi Chhor de mujhe ya phir......" her voice trailed off.
He had just stared at her, breathing deeply.
"Mein Raj nhi hoon Shehnaaz. I'm not him. Okay? I'm not as inconsiderate as him and I'm definitely not a cheater. Mein tujhe koi chorney vorney vala nhi Hoon okay? Get this in your stupid head! Kuch aisa vaisa nhi honey vala! Samjhi gadhi? Abhi tu vo show karey gi, mein apney projects pe focus karoon ga. Apni life pe focus karein ge. All of this can wait Shehnaaz! and it is better to wait! For you, for me. Sheh-"
"Tu Jaa yar Sidharth!" she sighed. He wasn't understanding. She did not have time. She felt like she was in sinking waters, gasping for air.
And if he wasn't understanding, there was no point talking.
"Huh?"
"Tu Jaa please. Teko nhi samajh mein aa rahi Meri baat" She got up from the bed
"Ek minute! Sehnaaz one second please!" he tried holding her hand, pulling her back but to no avail. "Shehnaaz mein samajh raha hoon! Okay? Mein samajh raha hoon! Completely! Tum Meri baat nhi samajh rhi ho! I don't want to ruin this God damn it! I don't want to ruin you or me or us! Jald baazi mein Sahi decisions nhi hotey hein Shehnaaz! Don't be so imbecile! Tu kyon aise bacho jese behave kar rhi hai yaar!" He tried to make her understand his point with an urgency in his tone.
Why?
"Theekay! Mein smaajh gayi ke teko time chahiye? han?" She held her head, exasperated with all this running and hiding.
"sirf mujhe Nhi, hum dono ko! take your time to make a decision be-"
"Haan theekay na vohi bass! Time na? okay! Le le time! I mean le lete hein time. sahi hai? Mein maan gayi Teri baat" She threw up her hands, defeated. She had no energy to argue, especially not with him.
He stood there blankly.
Yes? She has agreed? Like..... actually? Was she just trying to end the conversation or had she really agreed? Why has she agreed???
"Ab please nikal jaa Yahan se! Please get out of here!" She motioned to the door.
His head snapped to her.
His breathe actually stopped. Like actually. He couldn't believe his ears. Shehnaaz, his Gadhi, his stupid little gadhi, his very won, his family like friend, he couldn't imagine her saying that.
But this wasn't the time to get hurt. in fact, he believed he deserved it a little.
So he kept on going, despite his hurt.
"Ye ek dum se kya hua tujhe? han?"
"Kya hua? Mein maan gayi Teri baat! Theekay! le le tu time! bass na? Ab Jaa please mujhe Sona hai, Meri tabyat nhi theek" She pulled out a pj for herself.
"Kya hua tabyat ko? Bukha-" he tried touching her forehead to check for fever. She shoved his hand away.
"No please no! Theek hoon mein! Please Sidharth mat kar."
"Achha theekay okay! tu change kar ke aa Phir thori der so jaatey hein. haan, what say?" he suggested, trying yet another time.
"Kyon? Tu sirf Mera dost hai, mein doston ke aise Saath mein nhi soti! Aur big boss khatam ho gaya theekay? Abhi ek bed nhi hai humara! Aur please yaar! Tu kyon kar raha hai ye!? Tu ne bola time lete hein meine kaha okay! force nhi kar sakti na ab mein"
What she said came as splat to him.
She was right. She was so right! His mind mocked at him. What was he even thinking?!
But....But she was Shehnaaz. Still his Shehnaaz man! why doesn't she get it!?
"I-"
"Please jaa ab! Mein washroom jaa rhi hoon, tu jaatey hue Darwaza band kar dena please" she whispered, her determination faltering as she saw his broken self self standing there, bearing her words.
"Okay. Miltey hein....bye darling" he whispered back, disappearing outside the door, closing it behind him.
Her tears flowed like a dam had broken down.
Not for herself. Not for herself, for him.
She could never imagine him saying that to her. She could never imagine him telling her to get out! How that must have felt! How that must have moved on his heart! His heart, His baby of a heart,his stupid heart, his fragile heart. She knew his heart. His childish heart.
He craved her attention, he craved the chances she gave him and he couldn't voice it. and like a child, he got pissed when she didn't understand that. Such a heart he had.
The kiddo he was.
and it took all she had to go back into the washroom.
******
He rolled the cigarette into his lips.