Walk On The Wild Side ♡ JEGGY ✓

♡ 19: Did I Break Us?

content warning: swearing, suggestive language, mentions of vomiting, and death threats.

John ♡

❝I'm sorry.❞

She just kept fucking repeating it. That she was sorry.

Okay, I got that! I understood it! But why did she do it? Why'd she lie about it?

I kept asking her what she was keeping from me and she kept lying.

If it was a fucking mistake, why didn't she just come to me after it happened?

Why did I have to find out from Eliza of all people? She only told me because she wants us to break up. She definitely didn't do it to spare my feelings.

I feel sick.

I feel sick and my head hurts and fuck, I can't even look at her.

My chest tightens and I press my hand to my chest, hard, until it gets easier to breathe.

"Why would you do this to us?" I ask, my back still turned as I tug my fingers through my hair. I can hear the anguish in my voice and I hate it. I hate everything about this.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"I'm scared!"

"What? You think I'm not? We're both scared! That's not a good enough reason, Margarita."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! Okay! I heard you! It's not fixing anything."

"Don't yell at me, please," she cries. "I screwed up! It was a mistake! Please look at me."

"I can't." I'll break if I look at her. If I see how upset she is right now, I'll forgive her. And, I don't want to blindly forgive her. I want answers. I need to think. I need to get away so I can fucking breathe. "I can't look at you right now."

"John -"

I sigh, turning around, but still not able to look directly at her. "Is there anything else you been keeping from me? That baby even mine?" The question leaves a foul taste in my mouth. That was low.

"Of course it is! Why would you even ask me that?"

The words are out of my mouth before I can even think to stop them. "You were kissing somebody else, so maybe you were fucking someone else too."

"I didn't cheat on you."

"So, what do you call that kiss?"

Her bottom lip trembles and she looks down at her lap. "John-"

"I can't do this with you right now. I need some air." I shake my head, running my hands through my hair as I walk to the door.

"John, you can't leave me. Please don't leave me." She stops me in my tracks, wrapping her arms around me from behind and pressing her face into my back. "John, please."

My heart breaks at the agony in her voice. "Margarita, please let me go," I whisper, squeezing her hands as they lock on my torso. "You're suffocating me, I need to leave."

"Please, please," she sobs out, the rest of what she says becoming unintelligible.

Fuck.

I turn around, "Okay, okay, Peggy. Stop. Stop." I let her cry into my chest, staring up at the ceiling.

"Stop calling me Peggy!"

"That's your name, isn't it?" I snap, causing her to flinch away. I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to get a grip. I blow out a deep breath. I needed to go before I do something I regret.