1] story title : Daddy's innocent babygirl
Author username: Hoseok_ki_dost
1] cover : 5/5 : it was perfect, the picture used gave off the right vibe and the editing was done good!
2] title : 4.5/5 : the title suits the story, makes it interesting to read, but a bit cliche, try a more unique name and removing the emoticon, it makes it less appealing to read
3] first impression : 7/10 : it seemed good from the covers but as i read the first few lines, the story started off well, but the trailer was way too long and almost gave away the entire plot! try reducing the length of trailers. along with that, the grammar was wrong which made the urge to read it go away
4] grammar and punc : 6.5/15 : the grammar was not good, you mixed up tenses a lot, some words are incomplete. a few sentences didn't make so much sense because of it being incomplete though you've added a full stop afterwards. another thing to note, avoid using korean words as much as you can, words like "appa" "oppa" sound too koreaboo-ish and often make readers not want to read further. as for punctuation, it was okay, you made a few mistakes and loss of punctuation was visible, do proof read before publishing
5] plot : 6/15 : it was not cliche, but the plot was sort of disturbing, a warning should've been included, remember to add a trigger warning. try not making the girl so young and if you still are, include as to why the father had to sell his daughter. overall the plot was good but it was too rushed, try fixing this and re-reading the book to edit your mistakes!
6] vocab : 4/10 : you messed up the tenses which made the words seem wrong and hard to understand, again, change the Korean Romanized words as they seem unprofessional and not good to read. every sentence had vocabulary errors, some were misspelled whereas others were done with wrong tense.
7] descriptive writing : 5/10 : the descriptive writing was evident but it wasn't displayed or written properly,descriptive writing : 5/10 : the descriptive writing was evident but it wasn't displayed or written properly, try rephrasing your sentences when you describe someone or the atmosphere, instead of listing it all down, add words and make it into a sentence.
8] description : 3.5/5 : it was too long and not so attracting, try changing it to a shorter length and leave a cliff hanger to the description itself
9] character : 6/10 : there wasn't enough background information on the characters, you should have included short stuff that explained the characters life, maybe their living style which reflected in their personality or so. and y/n's character was not done properly, her character didn't make it seem like she was 15, which is way too young to be sold but anyway.
10] emotions : 4/15 : a thing i noticed, y/n was getting raped but you made it seem like she was enjoying it, i noticed you quickly changed how her thoughts were and had them going back and forth, one moment she doesn't want it and the next she's pleading and then she's back to not wanting it. also, she should be scared and not simply embarrassed if she just got raped. the emotions were very messed up in the entire book, whereas a normal person would be scared on things like their first period you simply made it seem very normal. y/n should have been terrified and confused as to why this all was happening to her instead of enjoying, please make sure to fix all this. not just her character, hoseok’s character didn't show too much of emotion for guilt when she got pregnant, nor was y/n's dads sadness showed enough.
total : 51.5/100
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2] story title :: Just dance - JHS X reader
Author username: GalaxyJiminie0
1] cover : 4/5 : it was a nice edit, thought the brightness contrast was way too much, and try using another font and picture for the cover, something that hints about the book!
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SMERALDO AWARDS 2021 || CLOSED
Fanfiction"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart" - William Wordsworth. Open(X) Judging(X) Closed(⭐)
