The Darkness That Binds Us

Chapter 4: The Dawn

I awake in my old room -I think. All I know is I'm not in his bed any longer. 

There is a chorus of bird song outside my window and I can feel the pale morning light on my face. A beautiful day -if only i could of seen it. 

I roll over, the press of Mal's ring quickly making it's presence known.

 Mal. Oh Mal, i'm so sorry. There is a thousand things i should said to him, but there it only one thing i had to do, drive a dagger threw his heart -and i failed. I failed everyone. I wonder if they escaped across the True Sea. I wonder if he killed them. I doubt i'll ever know -that's the worst part of it. 

My wretched mind paces round is circles like a trapped circus-cat. I need to get up.  I need to escape, but my head flares every-time lift it. I'll probably collapse again before i can even find the locked door -and even if i could escape- i have no where to escape to. I think of the darkling's promise to me, the night he burned  my orphanage to the ground: "I will strip away all that you know, all that you love, until you have no shelter but me."

He delivered on his promise. I should of listened. Wells of stinging salt water swell in my eye's. Mal.

 The door clicks open and someone enters carrying the soft chink of silver. I pull myself up, trying to give off some semblance of composure. The smell of herring and rye bread drifts across the room. A smell that might have once brought me nostalgia, now only brings me gut-wrenching revulsion. They place the tray down gently across my lap. The smell burning right under my nostrils. 

I think they are a servant -until they don't leave.  

The darkling takes a seat softly at the foot of the bed as not to startle me, sheets tucking neatly down around him. 

"Eat." He uses the same smooth, lulling, whispering tones from last night -but the word is still a command, no matter how he says it.

I consider starving myself to death just to spite him. But i know he will never let it get that far. If he has to, He will order his Oprichniki to pin me down and force open my mouth, use heart renders to make me sallow and i will be too emaciated to fight back. He will strip all my dignity away from me if he has to, but i don't care, i can't eat. The thought of food makes my stomach churn and if i attempt to eat something, i have no doubt that i'll be throwing it back up in a matter of minutes.

"I'm not hungry." I say, bracing myself for battle of wills i am certain is to come.

There is a long silence. With my blindness it is impossible to tell how long.

"Okay." He says finally, throwing me completely of stance. "Can i get you anything else instead, something sweeter perhaps? fruit? pastry?"

I shake my head.

"Very well." he gets up and walks cross the room to lift something off the table. He pours out a liquid. "At the very least can you drink something?" He places the pot back on the table, walking back across the cross the room to place a cup of scalding hot tea in my small hands. 

The warmth is welcome against my skin, steam blows into my face.  

"Please?" 

I lift the cup to my dry, crack lips. I am thirsty. But, just as i am about to drink, i hesitate.

Standing over me, i hear the darkling sigh, "Alina, if i wanted to drug you, there are more efficient ways of doing so."

I drink. 

"Thank you."

I hate how good it feels. My throat cries out for the nourishment. "How long have i been out?"

"3 weeks -on and off. You had a fever these past four days, turns out your quite the talker in your sleep." The darkling says, an edge of his usual caviler sneer creeping into his tone. 

He moves the back of his hand to rest on my fore head. "How do you feel?"  His voice suddenly dropping away to sincere again. All i want to do is lean into his hand, the contact is magnetising, but i do not. Instead i bat away the hand. 

"Don't pretend."

"Pretend what?" he say casually sweeping away the tray off my lap to place it on the table side.

"That you care about me."

"Alina, obliviously, i care about you," he said with a slight of irritation. "Need i remind you, you would not be alive right now if-"

"-You care about the sun summoner, Aleksander, that's not the same thing."

There's a long pause. 

"You're wrong."