The Darkness That Binds Us

Chapter 3: The Touch

Suddenly, i know exactly where i am, because i have slept in this room before. I have walked on this floor, i have laid in that bed, i have smelt the scent bare winter branches; the essence of night. 

The darkling steps towards me. I sense the shadows shift around him as he reaches out.

"Alina please..."

I try to push back, only to meet again with the table. The movement is so vicious, i feel the skin scrap off my side but i don't care. 

Everything is rushing back to me in flashes. The Fold. The Battle. My hesitation. The Volcra.  The darkling. Mal -and the cut that sliced him in half right before my eyes.

"Alina, i need you to listen to me..."

I scream. A scream so alien, i do not even acknowledge it.  I have awoken from a dream; to a nightmare. My entire frame freezes, shaking so uncontrollably i can't get air into my lungs. My heart beat kicks in my ears. My ribcage feels like it is about to implode. I can't breath. I can't see. i can't think. I am hyperventilating.

Animal instincts take over. I need to run.

 "Alina, you are going to hurt yourself! Please allow me to-"

I do not listen. I throw my self off the table and instantly lose my balance. My head sends me spinning. I trip backwards, shattered pottery cutting into my bare heels.  A moment later, momentum takes over. My head is yanked back, my feet give way and i am falling.

A hand shoots from the darkness clamping around my forearm. Power. Pure, raw, electrifying power crackles cross my skin. I feel both our power trebled by a thousand and it hits me like a lightening bolt to the chest. It isn't a sense of surety anymore; it's sense of fate.

All i can focus on is the touch. The softest brush of snow flakes trace my face, running down my cheek to rest at the nape of my neck. I am bound tightly in furs like an infant. I can hear voices in the corridor outside but they are all distant and muffled. I realise i must have passed out, because now i am lying on the floor hands still wrapped around me. His hands. I tremble in the darkling's grip.  He must sense it, because he shifts my weight, so my  head is in the crook of his steady arm, face pressed against the thick, warm fur and his slow logarithmic heart beat. 

"Shhhh..." he leans in, breath brushing across my up-turned cheek. "Shhh... it's okay, Alina, you're safe."

Without air able to fill my lungs, it is all i can do to let out a pathetic whimpering sound. I twist in his arm. 

  "Shhhh..." he adjusts his grip, "I know, just  breathe."

Despite myself, his words are so mortifyingly calm i can't help but be lured into there command.

"That's it... good," he strokes under my chin to encourage the air way to open up. I hate the way my skin tingles. "Breathe..."

It's working. I take in gulps of air, my heart beat slowly sinking in line with his. 

In his warm embrace, i battle to keep my eyes open, but then i remember the cold thing coiled around my ring finger, pressing into my hand. I finally realise what it is. A ring. A ring of bone. Mal's bones. I am wearing Mal's bones!

"No, No, No, No..." I thrash in his arms, pleading, "Mal...Mal..." I need to get it off me. I have to try, even if i know it will never come off. It is fused to my skin, but i don't care. In this moment i'll chop my whole hand off  if i have to.

 I twist, scream and kick, trying to move my arms from my sides, but i cannot escape his grip. "let me go! Let me go!" I scream over and over again. He does not.

Sweat mixes with tears as they run down my face. "Please, just let me go..." My voice wans away to nothing. "Please..." His heart rate is unchanged. My struggling is completely futile, against my will, i burn up almost immediately, collapsing back. I try again but i am so weak. So, so weak. And his his arms all the strength drains out of me into him. With one tightening of his hold i am broken.

Trapped there, salty tears creep down my cheeks. "How! how-" My voice hitches, squeaking. "How could you? you murd-" The sentence falls a part around my quivering lips as the image of Mal's shoulders sliding off his torso flares in my mind, branded forever. I shake my head. "What did you do? what..."

"I did what you could not." He states simply through darkness. I feel Aleksander lean in grazing a single kiss against my forehead. "My sweet sunsummoner."

 Everything inside me twists.  I am a complete mess but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. He's right. He's always been right. The shame tears me apart. I hesitated, i refused to kill Mal and now he's still dead. Nickola is probably dead.  Genya, Zoya, Tolya, Tamar, David.... the list rolls anyway from me. I don't know if anyone survived. "Its all...  -It's all my fault."

"-No Alina!" He says quickly,  "No..." The darkling rounds the word.  

Sound escapes me. 

"shhh..." The soft sound wraps around my ears, washing over my dis-jointed breathing. "It's late. Don't think. Just rest.  You need to sleep."

My voice is ragged and all over the place. "But I-" 

"-tomorrow." He whispers the word, but it is said with such definitiveness that i am to weak to argue. "Think tomorrow. Sleep tonight."

I am too weak even to make a sound now.

"shhh..." Moving His thumb gently over my cheek, wipping away the tears. "Shhh... i know, i know." He strokes back and forth, falling into a hypnotic rhythm.  "Just... close your eyes, please."

I feel my eyelids drupe down against my will, my body working against me.  The touch drowns out everything else. The voices in the corridor; the room; the furs; the pain;  the cursed ring on my finger;  the scent of bare winter branches; until there nothing left but me and his hand cupping my face  -and eventually even that fades.

I fall into a dreamless sleep.