The Darkness That Binds Us

Chapter 13: The Autumn

Without sight, everything else becomes more vivid. Touch is rougher. Sounds are louder. Smells are stronger. I no longer feel unbalanced when i stand alone in the dark. I have adapted.

From all my pacing, i now know every inch of my chambers inside-out. I know exactly how many steps there are from the bath; to the bed; to the wardrobe; to the door.

Since summoning my power again, my strength has returned in drips, but seeing as it's never truly me wielding it, i still don't feel like myself. After the announcement of our engagement, the darkling and i have performed many more 'demonstrations'-but none with Merzost. The darkling never used it again after that day, which i am glad of. The way it felt Terrified me, to have my life essence drained by another. The darkling never kissed me again either -which i am also glad of.

True to his words, we walk in the grounds almost every single day. He plays the part of the doting fiancé perfectly. Arranging picnic's in palace gardens for all the other Grisha to gawk at whenever the weather permits. One particularly hot autumn day, we even swam in the lake -although the darkling would not allow me to do so without at least two tidemakers life-guarding me at all times.

It was times like that: drying off in the sun, lying on rugs, soaking hair spread out on pillows, with him right there next to me, knuckles just nearly brushing mine... That i could almost forget my fear and move that hand just a little closer. Almost. But then i remember who i'm really lying next to and have to move away instead.

We teared down the fold just before the first snow fall. I wish there is more to say, but there really isn't. The divine destiny 'the sun summoner' was born to do -i was born to do- comes down to one afternoon of holding the darkling's hand, while he channels my ridiculously-over-amplified power, and then it's all over. The fold, the Volcra, the un-crossable divide which subjugated Ravka for five centuries... Gone. Just like that.

The darkling didn't want to risk me trying to escape, or 'doing-something-very-stupid-and-
incredibly-inconvenient ' as he put it, so we travelled back the next morning in the black carriage, his Oprichniki dosing me up with enough sleeping ether to see me all the way to Os alta.

When the snow came and the cold winds of winter began to creep onto the horizon, the darkling and i walked together less but, as the evenings grew larger, there were dinners to attend almost very night. The darkling would host at the high end, i kept close at his right side. If, at anytime i strayed from his script, or refused to play along with his games in front of courters, he'd simply have a heartrender drop my pulse and I'd faint.

By the time i came round, the darkling would have cleared up any 'misunderstandings' i may have caused, any ill-mood i harboured would attributed to my 'queer spell', and i would be carted swiftly off back to his study to have 'a little discussion'. Then, once in a fortnight, he could play the ultimate card; "Maybe -if you behave- you'll get to see one of you're friends again..." Like, just before we tore down the fold, when he dropped Genya's name, or at begin of the winter fete when he mentioned David -though the fleeting comments never seemed to go any further.

I considered groveling, but couldn't bring myself to the actual act. Fears of what the darkling would demand in return grew too great. Besides, clearly he wasn't going to cease his ambiguity on the subject anytime soon, so i resolved to gather my own intelligence.

I soon learnt there was no dungeons at the little palace, there wasn't even a prison in Os alta's lower sector. However, i did once over hear the maids gossiping about an old city house in the upper ring that had been visited regularly by Oprichniki ever since the battle on the fold. Needless to say, the discussion snagged my interest, an interest that reached a fever-pitch when i found out the darkling himself visited the house less than one week ago...