The Darkness That Binds Us

Chapter 12: The Demonstration

The darkling has just dropped a landmine on my head and I am left reeling. 

"Maybe you'll get to see one of your friends again..."  Voices swirl all around me but i cannot focus on a single one.

The darkling does not do mercy. The darkling does not do mercy, i tell myself over and over -but maybe...

"Maybe you'll get to see one of your friends again..." The the sentence runs on relay in my mind, every-time the meaning changing. Was it possible that the darkling had shown mercy that night?

 -No. Of course, not but still... using people as leverage was kind of the darkling's thing. Surely he wouldn't  pass up an opportunity to take a prisoner of warrior if he thought he could use them to control me? I think of the way he used to use Mal over me -then i think of the way he sliced him in two. 

A lump forms in my throat. None of my friends would have surrendered willing into captivity, but...

"Maybe you'll get to see one of your friends again..."

My mind loops round in spiraling circles. I drift round the hall on the darkling's arms for over an hour. Ambassadors voices discussing peace-treaties  float and out, politicians and priests kiss my hand, a few Ravkan Nobles -looking to transcend their status- make impromptu marriage proposals to 'the sun summoner' -which the darkling swiftly has to decline on my behalf. 

We drift on. At some point i am led up to a chair. The darkling stands beside me and sitting, i slip even deeper into turmoil.

"...one of your friends..." One. Does he mean there is only one left? despite myself, i can't help but think who that one would be. Nikolai is a monster. But what if the darkling captured him? He is one of his shadow creature now, what if he called him? He'd kill him, I answered myself. As the sole contester to the throne, the darkling would of never let him live on willing -not even as a monster. The darkling does not take risks.

Genya. Genya had already betrayed him and look what happen to her then -i shiver- if he had her i dread what he would do to her now...

So what about David? He was a skilled Materiakli, he made my collar. And Zoya, he always had a soft-spot for her, would the darkling really have disposed so recklessly of such valuable Grisha? If they betray him, Yes. 

I go through everyone who fought by my side that night. Tolya, Tamar, Nardia, Adrik, Harsaw... I even consider If Harsaw's 'Oncat'  survives. 

Another hour crawls past.

I try imagining situations where any of them might make it -but struggle. I dream what i would be like to see them again but I am also terrified... If this blindness is his punishment for me, i can't bare to comprehend what barbaric suffering he would inflict on them. Part of me begins to pray that they didn't survive the fold -because the darkling did spare them- it is only to deal them a fate far worse than death...

More lumps rise in the back of my throat. 

If they're out there i have to know. I begin to think of ways to reach them. Where would the he hold them? How would i get there? I can't even get down a flight of stairs without the darkling holding my hand. How, in the names of all the saints, was i supposed to navigate my way blind to the dungeons? I don't even know if the little palace has dungeons! Besides the darkling's heartrenders would shut me down the moment i stepped a toe out of bed.

So what's the other option? Play along to every word he says and more, make it impossible for him to refuse me access... Every insides me wretches at the idea of seducing the darkling -No.