Parts of Falling In Love

Ears

Kristof

December 11, 2016

Dropping at every second, the chemical solution sounded to me like the ticking of a clock, slowly running, lulling me to sleep, even though I didn't want to.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to stay awake, waiting to see you, needing to get even just a glimpse of your presence.

You saw me at the hospital, sitting on a wheel chair. You found out I was lying, making excuses whenever you ask me to hang out with you.

I couldn't tell you about how my condition was becoming... unstable. I didn't want to give you anxieties so my stupid mouth just said "You didn't have to." when you asked me "Why didn't you let me know?"

You stood in front of me. I could hear you scolding me even if your pale lips pressed tightly against each other.

"What do you mean I don't have to? I'm your bestfriend. You said I should tell you everything and I did. It means you should do the same and tell me every thing- what makes you stay awake even when you're tired, frown like an inverted Joker smile, or punch a wall and break your knuckles, and what causes you to curl up to stop butterflies from churning your stomach, or do nothing but laugh like a crazy hyena. Did I not make that clear enough for you? I hate you."

Those were the words that my ears read from your still lips and your watery blue eyes. But  I was wrong.

"I love you," you spoke. A tear fell down your cheek.

I stood up.

I tried to.

But I couldn't.

My legs were numb and retarded, just like my heart.

"I'm sorry," I uttered.  My head wanted to bang itself on the wall. I wanted to say "I love you" but I was frazzled.

And then It was too late. You turned your back and walked away. The thumping of my heart was in sync with your footsteps, fast and out of control.

I tried to ignore the painful thought that that was the last time I would see you. I rubbed my eyes, hoping, thinking you would understand. 

You did. I saw you behind the glass window. "I love you," I mouthed before the second I dozed off.

I don't know if you got what I said but when I woke up you were there, sitting beside my hospital bed. Your forehead resting on top of your hand that was gently holding mine. My stomach churned. I wanted to curl up to stop them but I knew they couldn't be stopped.

I felt sicker than ever- the good kind of sick, the I-am-in-love kind of sick.

And for the first time in a long time, I am happy, genuinely happy.

I just wish this feeling was not as momentary as everything else in our lives. I wish it could disprove the quote that says that change is the only constant thing in this world.