Parts of Falling In Love

Lips

Katie

August 8, 2016

It has been almost five years from now.

The page before this had nothing else but a terrible sketch of a kiss mark and a date written below. The date was December 23, 2011. It was the day you left.

My twelve year old self didn't want to write about that day because she thought she didn't have to. She believed she would remember it clearly forever anyway.

I still remember it and I want to write about it now because I want to remember why I haven't forgetten about it even though I should have.

It was the last day of class before Christmas vacation. You had to leave that night. We spent our lunch together at the cafeteria with awkward silence. May did not eat with us. She said she had to eat with her classmates because they had to practice their jingles for the class Christmas party that afternoon.

It wasn't true.

The truth was I told her I was having a crush on you. She wanted me to tell you about it but I didn't want to.

"He's going to leave and my crush on him will fade soon anyway. Jack said crushes don't last. They're just infatuations." I drew quotation marks in the air, unsure of what infatuation meant.

"And how would he know that?" May crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. "Jack is already a senior in high school and he still never had a single girlfriend. He always spends his time playing football. He hasn't loved anyone or anything else besides football and winning," she whined.

"And how would you know that?" I narrowed my eyes, "Are you stalking my brother?"

"What? No." She frowned and crinkled his nose, faking a disgusted face.

I laughed, amused of how she always denies the fact that she obviously likes Jack.

"Back to the topic." She went behind me and clasped my shoulders. "Kristof is there," She turned me towards you. "He's waiting for you. Now, go and tell him what you feel before he goes to New York and finds another girl like what we see in movies." She pushed me a little.

I walked up to you. You did not notice me because you were resting your head on your arm with your bangs covering your eyes.

'You really need a haircut.' I chuckled to myself and sat beside you. You did not move. I leaned closer, tilting my head to see your eyes under your tousled bangs and check if you were actually sleeping.

While I was doing so, someone pushed you and made your head fall from your hand into my face. We both widened our eyes in shock because your lips crushed on mine. We straightened our backs like nothing happened and then turned our heads to the one who hit you from behind.

"Oops. Sorry, I tripped," May said. But her grin was saying otherwise. My stomach was acting weird that time so I wasn't able to say anything. May excused herself and left us with that awkward silence. You and I finished our food without talking about anything else other than how good the spaghetti was and how cold the weather had been since November.

While we were walking home, I got my courage back and talked to you.

"Kristof," I said, hugging a paper bag in front of my chest.

"What?" You asked, turning your head to look at me. I took a deep breath and pulled my gift for you out of the paper bag. I handed it to you and you stared at it for a moment.

"Christmas gift. Now, take it before I change my mind." I chuckled.

You smiled and swung your back pack to your side. You unzipped it and pulled out a rectangular, red box.

"Merry Christmas," You said, a wide smile on your face. You took the small, ribboned gift from my hand and replaced it with the box.

I bit my lip to stop myself from looking too excited and happy about it. "Can I open it now?" I asked. But before you could say no, I ripped the red wrapper off and lifted the box cover.

A blue photo album was inside it.

I opened it and there were three photos on the first page:

A stolen shot of me, laughing;

A stolen shot I took of you while laughing also;

And last was a shot of us smiling at the camera.

They were photos we took at the park. I smiled and looked back at you.

You also already opened your gift. You smiled at it as it dangled down from your hand.

"It's a bunny clay keychain. I have one too but mine's a bright orange carrot," I chuckled, showing you the keychain hanging from the zipper of my wallet.

You held my hand and we shared smiles and glances as we shuffled our feet against the snow. From that moment on, I let myself believe we had that swan kind of bond, that forever kind.

But then you proved me wrong.

When you left, we chatted as often as we could, six times a week, minimum. Then it became once every weekend. We got busy with school and stuff. Not long, it became once a month. Our conversations went from checking how each other was doing and talking about random stuff, to simple, short greetings like "hey" and "good morning, have a nice day".

Three years after you left, you sent me a message, greeting me on my fifteenth birthday. You also said you've been busy with your football competition and that you were exhausted.

Then you said you would just talk to me again when you're not busy anymore.

I waited. Days pass so quickly when you're doing a lot of things.

Six months flew by unnoticed. I was really busy with keeping my grades high and doing good with my sports training. Maybe you were too. One night, my parents fought again and dad left. I messaged you but you did not send a single reply. I couldn't sleep at ease, thinking why I haven't heard from you for months.

So I stalked your profile.

No new posts, tags, status updates; nothing.

Tim.

He posted a photo, a few days old. It was taken at a dark place with white, blue and violet light streaks. It looked like a drunk, wacky, tongue-out selfie but when I looked closer, I noticed two people behind him, a guy and a girl. They were tangled up in each other's arms, kissing.

I felt a prick on my heart, a really painful prick.

It was your short, dark hair she was trapping beneath her fingers and it was your tall, sturdy body that was colliding with her.

I tried to accept what I saw and just focused on other things to stop myself from sending you any more messages. I started meeting people, going out with new friends, and accepting the fact that even friendships don't last.

After two years, the confusion, anger, and hatred that clouded me before were totally forgotten and gone.

That was what I thought until my phone beeped and told me I received a new message from an unknown number.

Katie, it's Kristof. I'm coming back this Sunday. Meet me at the park, please? 10 am

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