Fleeting

Lean On Me

25th February 2021

A car door slammed, breaking me from my memories.

It was easy to imagine I was back at Mama Rosa's, my first gig where I was the one who sang lead vocals. The first time I had ever acted as a frontman.

And I could still see Evie's face, clapping and laughing as Mama Rosa's patrons cheered along with our songs.

"So what's the plan?"

Tori's face appeared next to the window, making me jump. I hadn't realised that we had arrived home and the car door had been his own.

I rubbed at my tired eyes. My mind had skipped the car ride completely.

It seemed lately that I was living more and more in the past. But how could I not? That's where she was. And though I knew the present was where I needed to be, it was hard when she wasn't with me.

"I don't think I can do this." I whispered more to myself than anyone else, but still Tori and Jaxon heard me.

"Enough. Tony is right. You got to pull yourself together."

I swung the door open suddenly, making Tori lose his balance.

"You don't get it Tori. You have Hazel. When things get hard, you can go back to her and she makes it all better. Well, I don't have that. The girl I love isn't here. I don't know where she is or whether I'll ever see her again."

I took a deep breath, looking between their stunned faces as the words continued to pour out of me. Even though I could see their concern, I couldn't stop. I had been bottling my feelings for so long. Making sure no one could see how much I was really hurting. But now they were bubbling up, forcing their way out.

"You don't have any idea how hard it is to write songs for this film. How hard it is to write a song about two lovers reuniting when I'll-"

My words just died in my throat and as quick as my sudden anger came, it drained out of me.

When I'll never have her.

That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't force the words out.

I slumped down, my back against the car. I dragged my hands through my hair, yanking on it hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. The pain should have helped clear my head, but it didn't work.

I didn't move when I felt them grab my arms and haul me to my feet. Nor when they towed me into the house and up the stairs.

They pushed me into the settee, where I laid down and curled up around a pillow.

Was it stupid to have a full-blown meltdown when I had a deadline?

Yes, it was.

Did I care?

Not a bit.

I looked up as a shadow filled my vision.

"Here." Tori handed me a bottle of beer.

It was one of the cheap ones we always kept stashed upstairs. Too sharp too really enjoy, but strong enough to take the edge off a ten-foot crocodile should one be floating off the coast of L.A. I would have said that was statistically impossible, but then I'd seen a strange thing or two, so who was I to judge.

"Thanks." I sat up and took a quick swig, grimacing at the taste but still taking another.

Tori sat next to me whilst Jaxon dragged a beanbag and plonked it right in front of me.