Fleeting

In Too Deep

13th June 2019

"Still, I won't ever complain,

Because she made everything okay."

I paced the floor, wringing my hands with every step.

"Will you stop pacing?" Jaxon exploded. "Hell, you're making me nervous."

I looked at him and Tori sat on some seats provided to those auditioning. Jaxon was unusually subdued, and Tori's eyes barely left the floor. All of us were feeling the nerves.

As it had turned out, all of us agreed with Evie's idea about auditioning for the orchestra. But I don't think any of us knew how important it would feel to us.

Somehow, sat waiting for our turn at judgement, it had begun to feel like our last chance. If we didn't get this opportunity, none of us knew what was next for us. Even I had to admit that I couldn't see our next move if we failed.

Evie walked back to us, her hands filled with water bottles. "If you go down the hall, you can hear some bands warming up before their audition."

"What do they sound like?" Jaxon looked up, taking an offered water.

She passed out the remaining waters before answering. "There are some good ones, others not so much."

"Perfect." Jaxon placed his head in his hands.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I dashed off before anyone could stop me or get in my way.

I pushed open the door to the men's bathroom and retched into the sink, but nothing came up. Of course, I had been too worried to eat anything before we'd left.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, noting the layer of sweat over my face and my big eyes. Like a deer in the headlights, my Mom would have said if she could have seen me.

"Sam?"

I could hear Evie calling me, but I tuned her out, preferring to have my breakdown in private. A hand on my shoulder made me flinch so hard I bashed my knee against the side of the sink, making me swear.

"Sorry, but I had no other choice."

I stared at Evie in disbelief. "This is the men's bathroom." I pointed out to her as if she'd just missed the sign on the door by accident.

"Technically, this is the women's bathroom. You walked into the wrong one."

I watched to see if she was joking before looking around. It was cleaner than what I was used to, that was for sure. But it was the lack of urinals that made me realise she was right.

"Mierda!" I cursed. My back hit the wall and I slid down. I crouched and held my hands over my face, blocking everything out.

"Talk to me Sam, what's going on?"

"I feel sick to my stomach. I can't go out there. This was a stupid idea."

"Okay, so we'll just go back to yours, then?"

I lowered my hands to see if she was jesting, but I met her stoic expression. "You think we should go home? That we have no chance?"

She took her glasses off and busied herself with cleaning them. "Does it matter what I think? I'm only good for stupid ideas," she snapped back.

My already nervous stomach flipped as I realised what I said. "Evie, I didn't mean it-"

But she held up her hand and cut me off. "Look, this isn't about me. This is about you. What do you believe, Sam?"