All This Time

Chapter 4

"Is it really that far-fetched Laynie? I mean dad and Dave have been saying for years how they would be shocked if you and Ryan didn't end up together. I've been saying it myself. Hell, mom and Lisa have practically planned y'all's wedding. Pretty much everyone has seen this coming except you and Ryan." My twin sister Alyssa gave me a knowing smirk after I barged into her boyfriend Alex Bowman's bus and spilled everything that had happened with Ryan to her.

"But I'm with Erik." I protested, staring back at the face that was almost like looking into a mirror. Alyssa was seven minutes older than me, and took her role as the "big sister" very seriously.

"Are you in love with Erik?" She asked.

"Nooo. But it's still new between us." I said, dragging out the no.

"Laynie, It's been two months with Erik. If the love isn't there by now, it likely won't ever be, especially if you are having these feelings for Ryan."

"I don't know what to do Lyss?" I sighed.

"Does Ryan feel the same as you do?"

"I don't even know exactly what I am feeling, I just know that I felt something. Ryan said he felt something too." I admitted, although I left out that I may be in love with Ryan. I wasn't ready to say that out loud to anyone just yet. I was still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

"You have to end it with Erik. You can't lead the poor guy on when you are having feelings for someone else. If you and Ryan are feeling something, then you need to explore it, especially if you don't feel the same for Erik. Just let him down easy. He does care about you."

"I care about him too, and I don't want to hurt him, but... you're right. I can't lead him while waiting to feel something when I'm already feeling something for Ryan." I sighed again. I really didn't want to hurt Erik. He was a great guy and he treated me very well.

"I'm sorry you are going through this Laynie, but I'm a little glad at the same time. I never thought Erik was right for you. He's a nice guy and all, but I honestly never saw any real chemistry between y'all."

"I'm actually starting to see that now. It's just...I never expected this with Ryan, unless I've just been blind or fooling myself. This is crazy Lyss. Why now?"

"Now? Laynie, you have had a crush on Ryan forever, even when he was just a dorky kid. Maybe you have been blind and fooling yourself, but everyone around you has seen it. Bubba and Chase talk about it all the time"

"Do they seriously? Even when Ryan was with Katie?"

"Especially when Ryan was with Katie. They knew she was all wrong for him just like they know Erik is wrong for you."

So have I been deaf as well as blind? Has Erik heard all of this supposed talk as well?

"You and Alex were friends for a while before you got together. When did you know that you were more into him than as just friends?"

"Honestly, I didn't. At first." She laughed. "You remember when I was completely hung up on Chase?" I nodded. "Well, Chase told me I was like a sister to him."

"Ugh." I groaned. "Being sister zoned is worse than being friend zoned."

"I know right. Anyway, I was moping around and pouting over Chase, and I was talking to Alex about it, never thinking of Alex as more than just a friend. After I was done, Alex asked me what he had to do to get out of the friend zone, and before I could answer, he kissed me. The rest is history." She grinned.

"So after that one kiss, you knew?"

"I knew. It was like everything at that moment had become so clear. Alex had been under my nose that entire time, and I had just been too blind to see it. Kind of like you and Ryan."

"Must have been some kiss Alex laid on you." I laughed.

"It was. All that cliche, mushy, silly, girly, hopeless romantic shit about fireworks going off in my head and the tingly, quivering, toes curling feelings you only thought you read about, then laughed over. It happened."

"Like what I felt yesterday and earlier with Ryan." I said, speaking my thoughts out loud.

"It was only a matter of time Laynie. Remember how when we were younger, and dad told us we were not allowed to date drivers, and I argued that we might as well join a convent because that's all we knew?

I laughed at the memory. "Yes, and then I told him I would probably marry Ryan when I grew up."

"Yes, and funny, dad had no problem with that. In fact, just the thought of it made him happy."

"So now what do I do?" I asked.

"You have to figure out where you and Ryan stand. But regardless, you need to break up with Erik, and you need to do it soon before he gets in too deep with you. Even if nothing comes of you and Ryan, Erik needs to know how you feel, or don't feel about him."

"You're right Lyss. Thanks for the talk. I think I've got this figured out."

"Always. That's what sisters are for. Good luck with everything."

"Tell Alex I'm sorry for kicking him out of his bus." I laughed.

"Eh, he had things to do anyway. Call me or come by later. I want to know how things work out." She hugged me.

"I will. Pinky promise." I said, linking my pinky with hers.

I felt better after my talk with Alyssa. My sister had really helped me to validate my feelings. Now, I needed to talk to Ryan again. Even though I knew I had to break it off with Erik, and I planned to, I just really needed to know where his head was at, if we were going to move forward or if I was on my own with this.

********

As soon as I stepped onto his bus and locked eyes with him, I could feel the heat. The electricity.

"Hi." He said, almost shyly.

"Hi. I uh...I...I needed to see you again. I'm going to break up with Erik, but I wanted to know where things stood with..."

He silenced me with a kiss, and I knew I had my answer. I didn't even have to ask the question. It was obvious we were feeling the same vibe.

"When?" He asked when he broke free. I felt lightheaded and tingly all over, still tasting the combination of Body Armor and a very faint hint of mint flavor from his lips.

When? Oh God. I haven't even thought that far ahead. So much for having this all figured out.

"Soon." I replied, my head still spinning. Was it him or the concussion that had me feeling that way? He was still staring at me, I guess waiting for me to elaborate. "After the race, when we get back home. I know he really needs to focus on the race, especially being with a new team. I don't want to cause any distractions for him."

"I can understand that. We've waited this long, what's a few more days." He grinned at me, and I literally turned into a puddle of goo. How could I have been so blind?

He kissed me again, and I melted, letting myself go completely. Things had begun to heat up, and I felt his hand cup and caress my ass. I could stay like this forever just kissing Ryan, but I had to put a stop to it before we got too carried away. I could already tell he was becoming aroused.

"Ry, we have to stop this, at least until I break it off with Erik." I murmured against his lips as I reluctantly broke free.

"I know. I don't want to stop, but we have too. In a few days, we can be together. I can't believe I never saw it before, but I'm crazy about you Laynie." The way his blue eyes looked into mine, almost as if he were looking into my soul almost had me going to end it with Erik now, but I knew it was best to wait.

"Just a few more days Ry." I said, more or less to myself than to him.

"I know. It's going to be tough staying away from you though, especially working together." He said with a sigh.

Shit. I actually forgot I was actually working this weekend. Thankfully, his teammates Brad and Joey would be around.

"I'll see you in a couple of hours." I said, physically at war with myself to keep from kissing him again.

This was going to be a long few days.