All This Time

Chapter 3

How are you feeling babe?" Erik asked, taking a seat on the bed next to me. I quickly turned my phone over and slid it under the blanket covering my lap. I felt so guilty. Erik was being so sweet and caring, but here I was texting Ryan.

"I'm okay. I have a little bit of a headache, feeling a little groggy, but that's to be expected I guess."

"Do you need anything?" He asked with concern.

"No. Thank you though. I'm just really tired." I explained.

He kissed my forehead, right next to the small bandage that was there. "I'll let you get some rest then. Just let me know if you need anything okay."

"I will. I promise." I squeezed his hand. If this had been yesterday, I may have added an 'I love you', but I couldn't. Erik and I had not reached the point in our relationship that we had exchanged those words, but yesterday, hell, even earlier this morning I had thought that maybe I was there. Now, however, I wasn't so sure.

As soon as Erik left the room, closing the door behind him, I pulled out my phone, reading back over the text messages.

Ryan
How ya feeling Laynie? What did the doctor say?

Laynie
No stitches. They were able to close the cut with that adhesive stuff. I have a mild concussion tho. I'm so glad you were there Ry. I don't know what would have happened had you not been with me.

Ryan
I'm sure you would have been fine, but yeah, I'm glad I was there too. You scared the shit out of me for a minute

Laynie
I'm so sorry about that. Ry, what the hell happened tho? What possessed me to kiss you?

Ryan
I was going to ask you the same thing. You were confused. You thought we were together. When I said I was going to call Erik you asked why. For a second it was like you forgot that he was your boyfriend. You thought I was.

Laynie
I'm so sorry Ry. That had to be really awkward for you. I'm so embarrassed.

Ryan
No reason to be. You have a head injury. You didn't say anything to Erik about it did you?

Laynie
No. I don't even know how to explain it. This is going to sound really crazy Ryan, but I don't feel the same way about Erik as I did this morning. I don't know what's going on with me.

That was the last message. I watched three blinking dots appear, then stop, as if he was typing something, then perhaps changed his mind. I waited as a few minutes passed, and nothing happened. Sighing, I put my phone down, then laid back, pulling the blankets around me. The sudden realization hitting me like a ton of bricks. I was having feelings for Ryan. Sure I could blame it on the concussion, but I could not get the kiss out of my head. I never felt that kind of connection when Erik kissed me.

I was just about to close my eyes when I heard the text alert go off on my phone.

Ryan
I don't know what's going on either Laynie, but I can't stop thinking about that kiss. I felt something, and I know you felt it too

Laynie
I did. I don't know what this means Ryan, but I'm thinking about it too. I feel so guilty because Erik is so sweet and he's taking such good care of me, but I can't help but wish it was you here with me instead of him. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused

Ryan
I don't know either Laynie. We are friends. We've been friends for a long time. Erik is my friend. Maybe we should just forget this even happened.

I felt tears burning in my eyes. I wanted to forget it too, but I don't think I can. Maybe deep down, I really don't want to forget it. I felt something. Ryan said he felt it too, but it sounded like he had no desire to explore it. Maybe it had just been an in the moment thing. Just because he felt something when we kissed, that doesn't necessarily mean he feels something more for me than just a friend. Maybe he's worried that this could possibly ruin our friendship.

Laynie
We probably should. I need to get some rest. Maybe things will be clearer for me tomorrow. Thanks for looking out for me Ry.

Ryan
Anytime Laynie. I'm always here for you. You know that. Take care of yourself

******

The next morning, other than a dull headache, I felt pretty normal. I didn't have anything planned work wise until this afternoon, but Erik had early media scheduled, so as soon as he left, I sent Ryan a text.

Laynie
Are you busy? We need to talk.

Ryan
I'm free for the next couple hours. Come on by.

This was crazy, but I had to know for sure. As soon as he shut the door to his bus, I acted. Snaking my arms around his neck, I pressed my lips to his. He hesitated for a millisecond before he was kissing me back. The kiss had quickly turned passionate as his tongue twisted heatedly with mine. I wasn't imagining things yesterday. I knew there was a spark when we kissed, but this was a damn inferno. When Erik kissed me this morning, I felt absolutely nothing. Yet Ryan's mouth molding to mine set me on fire.

He was the first to pull away, leaving me breathless. "What are you doing Laynie?" He asked with a sigh, raking his fingers through his hair.

"Tell me you didn't feel anything this time Ryan." I said in almost a plea. I so wanted to be wrong about this.

"I can't." He said so softly it was almost a whisper.

I sat down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Why was this happening to me? Why now? I had a good thing going with Erik. Ryan and I had dozens of chances for this, but why had neither of us seen this before?

I felt the couch cushion sag next to me, and Ryan placed his arm around my shoulder.

"What does any of this mean Ryan?" I sighed, thinking about how I wanted nothing more than to kiss him again. To touch him. To feel his skin against mine. My heart was racing. My palms sweating. Head spinning.

Oh God. I think I'm in love with Ryan.