Finding Joy

Chapter 20

"Good Morning." Devin said coming in the kitchen.

"Morning." I said holding the cup
Of tea to my lips.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked me taking up the cup of coffee I made for him.

I nodded. "It was fine. Could have been better." I shrugged.

"What's wrong. You look...tense." He asked me.

"Nothing. Just tired. I've got a lot of things on my mind." I told him.

"Like?" He asked.

"What we talked about last night." I said.

"We talked about a lot last night." He said stirring his coffee.

"About the whole love thing." I said

He shrugged."what about it?"

"I want to know more about the situation. Like why don't you believe in love and what does that mean for us?" I asked.

He sighed. "It means nothing for us. I don't believe in love because I just don't." He shrugged.

I put my mug down playing with my fingers. "That's not enough for me." I said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"Its supposed to mean just what i said. For you to just say it means nothing for us isn't enough for me. When I asked you Where do you expect us to go? What do you expect us to be? What did you say to me?" I asked.

"I said I can see us starting a life together."

"How are we supposed to start a life together and be together if you can't love me and you don't believe in love?" I asked.

He sighed. "Easy, we both like each other. Your an amazing woman. I see you and I possibly having children together. We could live and be happy."

"A loveless marriage. It's not right." I shook my head. "You're crazy." I shook my head.

"I'm not crazy I'm being honest." He said.

"So what was that about I see you and I having a future and being together crap all about?" I asked.

"What do you mean? I'm telling you that it's like this. I can see you and I being together and you having my children because you're compassionate and caring" he told me.

"So there is no way that you could ever see yourself loving me? Being in love with me." I asked.

"Its not happening because It doesn't exists. Love is just something people say is what they feel but it's something made up by man It's not real Lauren." He asked.

"Answer the question Devin." I said.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you see yourself ever loving me?" I asked.

He sighed. "No."

I nodded my head, luckily Im fully dressed. "Then I can't be in relationship with you." I said.

"What? Why?" He asked me grabbing my hand.

"Because I feel something for you that you will never ever feel for me." I said looking in his eyes.

He loosened his grip, looking the other way.

"Goodbye Devin." I said in a barely audible tone.

I grabbed my bag, and walked out the front door.

I guess finding love is gonna be harder than I thought.

A/N

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