Finding Joy

Chapter 33

"What's wrong Lauren?" Devin asked as he put his knife down.

I shook my head. "Nothing." I said.

"Something. You've been super quiet." He said touching my hand.

I shook my head. "I'm just a little emotional about the other day. I don't know how to feel."

"What you mean you don't know how to feel?" He asked me.

"About how you treated her babe. I mean Cara deserves a mother." I said.

He looked at me, and then removed his hand from on top of my hand. "What's that supposed to mean? You're not willing to be her mother?" He asked me.

I sighed. "No, it's just that that's not what she sees me as. When I went to pick her up from school yesterday and the teacher asked her if I was her mommy she said no. I'm her daddy's wife." I said.

He sighed. "So what are you saying?" He asked.

"I'm saying I don't know if keeping her away from Cara is best. She doesn't see me as her mother. The relationship I have with Melanie is more of a mother daughter relationship than Cara and I's and I try so hard with Cara." I explained.

"Look Lauren, she's a child. We are gonna have to sit down with her and explain things. Would you like to be seen as her mother? Would that make you feel better?" He asked me.

"Yes but I also want what's best for her. Maybe she will resent me when she gets older because we are telling her I'm her mother now. Like what if she gets older and meets taylor on her own and Taylor makes us look like the bad guys. I don't want that." I said.

"It's a difference between a biological mother and mother baby. A biological mother is the woman who has you and your mommy or mother Is the one who loves, and takes care of you. You care and love Cara and Melanie as if they are your own hell you fight for them at school, and even when we first started dating again you did stuff for them. That's a mommy. Who gives a flying fuck if you're not her biological mother." He asked me.

"I don't know. It's a lot to think about. I just don't want this to back fire on us." I said.

"Do you love Cara?" He asked.

"Without a doubt." I said.

"Do you see her as your own child?" He asked me.

"Absolutely." I answered without hesitation.

"Alright then. We will have that conversation with her then. To be honest though babe, when Melly started calling you Aunty, Cara started asking questions about you being her mother but I thought you wouldn't be comfortable with it so I told her just Ms. Lauren." He said.

"Why would you do that! " I asked him.

"I honestly didn't think you'd be comfortable and I wanted to make sure you were okay with that. I'm sorry." He said.

I sighed, "it's fine. Give me kiss." I said.

"Mmm I don't mind if I do." He said reaching over to kiss me.

"You need to speak to me about stuff like that though. Give me a chance to make that decision." I said.

"Okay babe. Now let me kiss you." He said.

I smiled and laughed at him and kissed his lips grabbing the side of his face to savor the feeling of him altogether.

"I still think maybe introducing Cara to Taylor could be a good thing." I said as he sat back down.

"I don't want her around our child Lauren." he said.

I sighed. "How about if we just introduce them. " I asked. "It could be something that's good for both Taylor and Cara. Cara especially." I said.

He sighed. "I'll think about it okay Pooh?" He asked.

I giggled at the nickname he gave me and nodded. "Okay hot chocolate." I said.

"You know I hate that." He laughed and kissed my lips again as he helped me out of my seat.

I laughed and nodded. "I know. Let's get out of here though. I want to watch a movie with the girls." I said.

"I thought maybe we would be able to work on our little boy." He grinned causing me to laugh as he closed my door to the car.

"I want another girl before we have a boy." I said.

He groaned. "No. I want, no need a little boy." he said staring the ignition.

"Why you acting like that? You like having all the women in the house." I said.

"Yeah for now until they start going through puberty. Then I'll want to chop my ears off." he said.

"Come on babe, it's really not that bad." I said.

"I've heard you and your sisters in law talk. It's that bad." He assured.

"Mm whatever. I'll make it my business to have another baby girl. " I said.

"So we practicing tonight?"He asked.

"No. We aren't. I told you the girls are home." I said.

"Okay. So you going to your parents house or ours?" He asked.

"Ours. I don't see why you were all for me moving back in with my parents. It's a huge waste of gas all the time." I spoke.

"You're right." he sighed. "But the girls and I get to have you tonight so we are gonna enjoy it." He said.

"Mmhm. And so am I." I said as we made our way home. I think it's honestly important for them to meet. I would love to have that connection with Amore to where she calls me mommy and welcomes me with open arms like a daughter would a mother, however I don't want to take the chance of her meeting her biological mother, and loving her biological mother away from her. Although what she did was wrong, and messed up I still want them to have that connection if possible.

A/N

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