letters [max verstappen]

29

I woke up the next morning with Max still holding me close. I stayed in his arms, lost in thought until he stirred. "Good morning." I whispered and he hummed in response.

I went back to my room to get ready and we met up again to walk to the paddock. The mood was grim for the entire morning, but I managed not to get emotional until I saw Julie standing on the grid with Anthoine's family, getting ready for the minute of silence before the F3 race. I ran towards her and gathered her in my arms, squeezing her tightly.

"God, Jules, I am so sorry." I whispered. "You two were amazing. You still are."

"I don't know what to do." She choked.

"Whatever you need, you let us know. Every single person at this circuit; we're a family, we're here for you. We love you. I love you, I'm here for you." I promised, tears in my eyes as we broke apart. She nodded, managing a small smile.

Before the F1 race, all the drivers were on the grid standing around a pedestal with Anthoine's helmet on it. When I saw that scene start to form I couldn't help it and the tears started silently streaming down my cheeks. Max noticed and motioned for me to join them. I did, standing between him and Lando for the second minute of silence that day.

When the moment was over, I placed a hand on Max's shoulder. "Be safe, please." I murmured to him.

He nodded. "I will. See you soon."

As I turned I saw Alex, and the two of us made eye contact. We still hadn't spoken since we broke off our friends-with-benefits relationship, but I didn't care. I walked over to him and he pulled me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Becca." He murmured into my shoulder.

"Thank you." I choked. "Be safe, please." He nodded with a smile and a squeeze of my arm before walking down the grid to his car.

I went back to the garage with the engineers, taking my normal place on the end of the middle engineer's console. The race was hell to watch, but the podium was beautiful as Charles dedicated his first win to Anthoine.

"Félicitations, Charlie." I congratulated him once he was back in the paddock. He pulled me into a tight hug, and I could feel how much this meant to him.

"C'est pour Anthoine. Tout ce que je ferai est pour Jules et lui." He murmured.

My eyes watered at the beautiful statement. "Oui, nous n'oublions jamais. Nous nous battrons toujours pour eux."

Normally there would have been a large after-party, especially after Charles' first win, but instead, a small group of Anthoine's family, friends, and some of his former and current teammates gathered to share stories. It was a beautiful evening, but there was still sadness in the room. None of us were ready to truly say goodbye to him.

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Max spent the entire next week at my apartment in Milton Keynes. Emotionally I was so fragile and only wanted to sit around and cry. Max had been that pillar of support for me, even though he was going through a mourning process of his own he put so much effort into helping me. We weren't together, but we obviously had both confessed our love for each other. We hadn't talked about it and nothing had happened between us since that one night.

Monza was back to F1 business as usual, and it was nice to be busy again. Charles' second win was magnificent, and some people went out to celebrate but I couldn't bring myself to do it, knowing that Anthoine's funeral was in two days. I flew from Italy to Monaco with Max and spent the night at his apartment, and though the sexual tension was growing between us it still felt inappropriate to act on it.