letters [max verstappen]

19

The drive wasn't exactly pleasant. I tried to turn my music up high to distract my mind from whatever Dany had to tell me, but I couldn't help but run through the what-ifs in my head, none of which were good. 

Half an hour later, I pulled up to Dany's apartment and let myself up. I knocked on his door and he was quick to open it. When I looked at him his eyes were full of emotion. Regret? Sadness? Disappointment? Whatever it was, I knew it wasn't good.

"Tell me, Dany." My voice cracked, and he bit his lip.

"You might want to sit down for this." I gulped and did as he said, finding a spot on his couch while he sat opposite me. "I guess I'll start from the beginning." He sighed, and I could already feel my eyes starting to water, my heart knowing what was coming. "I've been in Milton Keynes these last few days, doing some sim work before the summer break." I nodded slowly, and he continued. "Yesterday I had a meeting with Helmut, but I finished my sim work a bit early so I just sat outside his office to wait for our time. I heard a bit of the meeting going on before mine-" He paused and looked me in the eye. "I recognized Max's voice. He was talking about you, and about Toro Rosso."

Ok, this was not going where I expected. "What? Why?" I furrowed my brow.

I could tell the next part was hard for Dany to get out. "Well...he was talking about your performance. Things like-" He sighed. "Like you were falling behind skill-wise because of the engineering stuff. That your mind wasn't quick enough to be a driver. Um-" We made eye contact again, and the tears started to flow. I could see the truth in his eyes, and how much it hurt him to tell me this. "I heard him say that you're never going to be good enough to drive for Red Bull, and that they should drop you from the driver program and just keep you on as an engineer."

I sat there, trying to blink the tears away. "Are you sure?" I asked quietly.

"I, um, I got some of it on audio." He responded, and I took a deep breath.

"Play it." He reluctantly obliged my request, pulling his phone out of his pocket and pressing play. Even muffled from behind the door, it was clear to make out Max's voice.

"Though she has talent, more than some, that talent won't be enough to get her into Formula One. Even in F3 she's falling behind, she reacts too slowly and she's going to keep getting worse and worse as she moves up the levels. As a driver, she's going to lose Red Bull a lot of money. But, I think she's really good with engineering. I don't think she belongs in F1 as a driver, but maybe she could still work for us as an engineer."

"Is that your professional opinion?" The second voice sounded like Christian.

A pause. "Yes, it is."

The cries started to leave my mouth in the form of sobs and gasps. That was Max, Dany was right. The man I loved, the man I had shared so much with, was telling our boss that he didn't think I belonged on the same level as him. That I wasn't good enough. I wanted to scream, to rage, and then to throw up, but before I could do any of that, Dany wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest.

"Becca, I'm so sorry." He whispered as he tried to soothe me. "If you can manage to calm down, there's more you might want to hear."

Eventually, I managed to slow my breathing and looked up at him, my eyes puffy. "What more can there be?" I gasped.

Dany bit his lip. " I thought it was just him, Helmut, and Christian in the room. But when he left, his dad walked out too. Jos was there."

That triggered another wave of emotion. I let out a wail of pain and Dany pulled me back into an embrace, slowly rocking us back and forth.