Fights, Camera, Action

Chapter Fifteen

The next day, Dean woke with a raging hang over and a significant amount of regret over his choices the previous day. Fuck, he should not drink while he was upset. He wasn't trying to become his father.

Sitting up, he grabbed his phone and checked the time, seeing that it was pretty well into the morning, almost noon. Rubbing a hand over his face, he let out a deep sigh. Despite his pounding headache, he should probably get up and get a damn shower, at least. Standing slowly, he made his way over to the bathroom and turned the water on, letting it heat up as he took off the pajamas he had put on the evening before.

The bathroom had filled with steam in the time since he had turned on the water, and he opened the shower door and stepped inside. Taking a deep breath, he tried to ignore how it shook when he released it. Basking in the warmth of the water and the little peace it was bringing him, he showered for far longer than he needed to, only getting out when the water began to grow cold. Turning it off sharply, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around his hips as he went out to his bedroom.

Without much thought, he threw on a sweatshirt and jeans, padding out to the kitchen to get something to eat. He had just reached the fridge when his doorbell rang, causing him to wince sharply. Fucking hang overs, man. Shaking his head like that would dispel the steady pounding in his skull, he walked downstairs and wondered who would have showed up unannounced. The question was answered for him as soon as he twisted his doorknob, because the door was thrown open and in stomped Novak, slamming it behind him.

"God damn it, what?" Dean groaned, catching himself on a wall from his startled fall away from the door. Novak looked at him, incredulous.

"What the fuck do you mean, what? You ask me to come over, are perfectly fine the whole time I am, and then you get mad at me for it? While apparently also getting fucking trashed in the middle of the afternoon, no less. And all I did was dare check on you, see if you were okay," Castiel finished, chest heaving with loosely controlled anger. But there was something in his eyes behind the anger, something that Dean didn't like to see from him. Concern.

"Yes, you did check on me, and that was the problem! I'm supposed to hate you, and here I am asking you to come over because one of my best friends died and letting you comfort me. God, the fucking was almost too much, but that? I can't, I can't do that. I can't do emotional attachment with this shit. Because then it's real, and I-" Dean stopped suddenly, swallowing his words. Castiel didn't look angry anymore, just worried. He stepped carefully closer to Dean, as if he were afraid he would bite.

"You what, Dean?" He asked softly, the look in his eyes back to the forefront. Fuck, why did Dean feel like crying?

"I know that I'm attracted to men. Clearly, I know that," Dean gulped. "But... but the problem is that I'm scared. I'm scared to death of actually falling in love with a guy, because then it's not something I can say was just a lapse in judgement, a heat of the moment thing. Then it's real, and I have to... I have to face it. Face the things my dad beat into me over it, face that he was right about me. And I'm already facing too much right now."

His throat felt like it was closing up, tears running down his cheeks against his will. Castiel was walking closer, but Dean couldn't bear to look at him. He closed his eyes and waited, flinching slightly at the unexpected feeling of hands cradling his face. Carefully, he opened his eyes, apprehension lighting his nerves on fire. But the sight he was met with wasn't the anger he had expected.

Cas was crying too. He was looking at Dean like he had never seen him look at anyone before, and Dean almost wanted to look away, but found that he couldn't. Cas rubbed his cheekbone with one thumb as he looked at him, and Dean realized what the look on his face at that moment was. It was understanding.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "Sorry that that happened to you, sorry that you can't seem to win, sorry that this is so confusing. I was exactly where you were, still am sometimes. But our fathers will never be right about us. Because there is nothing wrong with loving people."

Dean gulped down a sob, finding himself overwhelmed. Not sure what to do, he held Castiel in a similar way to the one he was being held in, and Cas closed the gap between them. He slid his lips onto Dean's in a way that was far more gentle than any kiss before, and Dean melted into the touch, a quiet cry escaping him. Cas cradled his body in his arms as he kissed him, not letting him think. Finally, he pulled away, looking into Dean's eyes as he rested his forehead against Dean's own. Cas let out a shaky laugh and closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks as Dean watched. Without thinking, Dean reached up and gently wiped them away. Cas's eyes shot open in surprise, but he didn't jerk away. He just gave Dean a small smile.

"I don't know that I ever..." Dean started, taking a breath as Cas looked at him like nothing else existed in that moment. "I don't know that I ever really hated you. I don't even remember what started our stupid rivalry shit anyway. I just know that I was so fucking angry, and you were the easiest target. And I know that I was jealous."

Cas snorted slightly, that incredulous look back on his face as he stared at Dean. He leaned back from Dean slightly to give him a look, not letting go of him as he did so.

"What the fuck do you mean, jealous? I thought you thought you were better than me, not jealous of me," Cas said, his surprise creeping into his voice.

"You were out, and people supported you. I know I could be, could have been, but I'm barely accepting of it myself. I was jealous of you because you knew who you were, and you didn't hate yourself for it," Dean sighed. Cas put a hand on his cheek again, and Dean couldn't help leaning into it.

"It takes time to get there, Dean. There will be a day soon that you won't have to be jealous of that," he said gently.

Dean gave him a watery smile, pressing a kiss to his lips as they stood in his entryway. He was so focused on what was happening, the moment he'd never thought would come, that he almost missed the sound of the camera shutter from outside his window. Turning his head sharply, he just caught a flash of someone with a camera running off. He whipped his head back to face Castiel, eyes filled with terror as Cas seemed to freeze, staring out the window slack-jawed.

"Well, fuck," Cas said, staring at the place where the camera had been.