Evie - [wlw]

seventeen

valentina
*italic sections represent flashbacks
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I sat on a dark green couch that faced the balcony of Selah's studio apartment. The living room essentially was her art studio as well. White tarps covered in dried paint splatters and faded watercolor puddles, a cart of empty jars used for holding the water to clean the paintbrushes rested in the corner and different sized easels lined up against the wall.

Her home was mixed with the faint scent of acrylic paint drying and warm pineapple cubes melting in the wax burner.

It was somewhat comforting, the paint smell. As a teenager and living over in France. I was fond of painting anything that came to mind or going off an image I saw in one of my moms' magazines.

Seeing Selah's art placed around the small studio also seemed to spark something inside to feel the craving of wanting to paint again. All I needed to do was pick up a brush and get started.

But right now it felt impossible with how heavy my mind and arms felt.

"Here, please drink something at least if you're not going to eat." Selah pleaded sitting down next to me on the emerald couch and handing me a mug of tea. I looked at the mug with the words You make the world a better place written in a tiny font in the middle, and the handle being a bright sideways rainbow. It appeared to be handmade based on how uneven the texture was around the sides.

I grabbed the mug from her hands. Gracing her fingers with mine slightly before they encased around the warm beverage that sent some heat down my cold arms.

Selah and I sat in silence for a few minutes while I took small sips. It was raining outside on this unfortunate tuesday.

All of the girls were at school and I had plans arranged for them to stay with my moms for the rest of the day. I made sure to have a healthy talk with Sophia prior to giving the news of their overnight stay.

I wanted her to have some insight on what was going on with me. She was old enough to understand now and I didn't want to leave her thinking that her mom was being purposely neglectful. That was far from the truth.

I made these plans for them so I could take a personal day off from work and from life. I needed to get my shit together.

Though I broke my sobriety long ago and drink occasionally. After the events that happened on Sunday with Evie, I felt a new binge drinking urge come on. The type of binge that caused me to hide bottles of wine in my kids closets and in the cupboards behind multiple boxes of cereals.

Once I had that feeling occur Sunday night I started shaking alone in my bed. Curling up in a fetal position and holding myself to fight the urge to go downstairs and finish the red wine I had left over.

So here I was. In Selah's apartment, a woman whom I had just met and started to create a bond with. Britt assured me to go and promised she would take care of everything at work for me today. I couldn't thank her enough.

"Do you want to talk about what happened when you left the restaurant?" Selah asked softly.

Her voice was in the distance as I listened to the sound of the pouring rain that came flooding through the open balcony doors. But I heard her nonetheless.

My lips parted and I let out a sigh, "I suppose. That is why I'm here."

. . .

I ran out of the restaurant in a hurry. Dodging the cars that were honking their horns at me when I crossed the street without the light being red.

My feet carried me towards the dress shop I last saw Evie enter with the two women who surrounded her like a shield. I went inside causing the bell above me to ring loudly and gain the attention from the women behind the counter who was completing a transaction with a customer.