Under Control

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I don't have it under control.

I quickly realised that after I made a quick stop to the college toilets to take my sixth shot of cocaine and drown in yet another bottle of beer. I don't know why I'm doing this.

After I went to rehab, I got my shit together and I barely had any drinking or drug problems since then. For three years, I stayed clean and never got drunk. It might sound like a small amount of time, but believe me, it was anything but.

Now, with the death of my mom all so fresh in my head and the memory of our last conversation branded into my brain, I just need something to take the edge off. No, I need something to saw that shit down.

And this is doing just that.

Even though I'm high and drunk, school is still on my mind. It's important for mafia members to graduate college and get a job, that way, we can stay hidden and out of the cops' radar. Because, I mean, what's more ordinary than finishing high school and going to college. With the shit load of assignments they'd give us, you'd never even suspect we have room for a double life.

Putting on some black shades to cover my bloodshot eyes, I make my way over to Commerce, stumbling a few times. I brush the white powder of cocaine off of my clothes and pull my bag over my shoulder.

 I brush the white powder of cocaine off of my clothes and pull my bag over my shoulder

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I push open the metal door, leaning on it like a little kid as it opens. Professor Walker stops his lecture as heads turn to face me. I almost chuckle to myself as the scene in front of me gives me deja vu.

I spot Alessia and walk down a few steps, to her row. Thankfully, there's an empty seat next to Will, who is sitting next to her. I fall down into the chair and slump down as I close my eyes a little. 

All the walking made me dizzy as fuck. "Why'd you bother coming late to class if you're just going to sleep, miss Ferrari?" Bro, first the fucking flight attendant, now this guy. I should just get my gun out from the back of my jeans and shoot him dead. Maybe then I'll be able to get some goddamn sleep.

"Sorry sir," my words slur out in a mumble as I get up and reach into my bag to get my notebook out.

As I'm opening the book, an arm nudges mine.

"Psst," Will whispers as Walker continues his lecture. I turn to him and smile lazily. "Sup, my dude."

"Ok since when do you speak like that. Never mind, why are you so late, you missed like three classes. And why the fuck do you smell like alcohol, Rayna? Have you been drinking? Tell me you didn't take any drugs." His voice becomes wary as he asks the last question, reaching the end of his series of questions that I'm too tired to bother processing. Who is he, my dad?

"I'm just living life, right now," I mutter back, still smiling.

"Wha-"

"Girl are you high and drunk. In class to! Damn even I don't have the balls for that," Alessia peers her head forward, joining our conversation. More like, interrupting Will's interrogation.

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