Lost in the Depth

The L Word

I wake up in my bed, even though I have no memory of coming out of the shower. I've gotten used to the headaches that I get almost everyday now because of my hangovers. It's really bringing my alcohol tolerance even higher. At this point I think I could drink a hole keg of beer and not even vomit. 

My stomach begins to growl and, after taking a real shower this time, I get dressed into sweats and a hoodie, put my hair in a messy bun and I make my way down to the dining room of the hotel. I really get why this is a five star hotel, I mean the food is just wow. But I think that's mostly because this is Italy and the food is always the best here.

The others are already here and eating at a table. Well multiple tables. There's almost 3 thousand of us so you could say I basically rented out half the hotel.

I make my over to the waffles and pack my plate with food. After grabbing a mug of coffee, I go and sit at the table with Alessia, Antonio, Julian and some of my other friends.

"Glad you finally bothered to get your ass out of bed," Julian says with a smirk.

"Did you sleep in that?" Antonio asks me, nodding at the hoodie I'm wearing. Why does he care?

"No why?" I ask him. He looks disappointed. Why is he acting so weird.

"Shame. I thought you probably wear it all the time when no one's around," he replies with a smirk. Huh? I look down at the hoodie I'm wearing. Oh!

It's one of the ones he gave me. Not from the night of my kidnapping but a few years ago. It's really comfortable because it's oversized so I kept it. I can't help but blush and I just reply with "Thanks for reminding me it's yours. I'll throw it out the moment I finish breakfast."

He doesn't smirk at that like he usually does at my comebacks. He smiles. A genuine, happy smile. What, is he happy I'm throwing it out?

"You actually insulted me back!" He says, his smile growing into a full sized grin now.

"Damn, Rayna, you've barely even said shit since-" Julian is interrupted by Alessia bolting out of her chair. She grabs her plate, walks over to the bin, empties the contents of it into the bin, and storms out of the dining hall.

"Shit," I say under my breath and follow her out. "Sia! Sia, wait!"

She suddenly stops and turns so fast that I almost bump into her. There's a mix of sadness and anger in her eyes.

"How can you just sit there and- and, I don't know- be happy!" She says the word happy like it's the worst thing in the world. "I mean first you basically fuck Antonio right after he dies and now you're just flirting with him! I mean you might as well just bang on his grave, Rayna!"

See this is a problem. I understand where she's coming from. I know she has a point. But she's not right. "Alessia, I haven't had sex with Antonio since that night at the beach and we-"

"No, Rayna! Listen to me, you-"

"No, you listen to me! I have not slept with Antonio, nor was I flirting with him back there. And even if I did, what the fuck do you care?! Why is that any of your business and in what way is that even disrespectful to Will?!" I stop myself from yelling at her to avoid escalating the situation. The look she gives me makes me a little guilty for being so harsh.

"Look. I get it. Do you think I'm happy? Do you think I'm enjoying myself? I'm fucking not, Sia. And I know you're not either. I'm miserable without him here. Without my mom here. But listen. One day you are going to wake up and it'll be easier. One day it's going to be easier." My words are coming out in a whisper now and I notice tears coming out of her eyes.