Lost in the Depth

Zoning Out

"You ready?" I ask Alessia as I bring the last of our bags to the front door of my apartment.

"Yeah, I'm coming," she sounds gloomy as ever, and I don't blame her.

We decided to go back to Italy. It was both mine and Alessia's decision. We gathered the members of Cosa Nostra that came to America with us and we got our private jets. We're not coming back.

Well, I know I'm not, at least. Can't speak for the others, though.

Alessia comes downstairs from my bedroom and just as I'm about to open the door, a knock sounds from the other side.

I open it and see Antonio standing in front of me. Alessia decides to go back upstairs when she sees him. I step out of the unit and close the door behind me, making sure not to lock it. I don't want him to see my house bare and the bags gathered at the entrance.

Of course, he already noticed and I see something dim in his eyes. "Yes?" I ask him.

"I heard you're leaving."

"You heard right." He just stands in front of me now, as if he doesn't know what to say.

"I'm coming with you," he finally says, and by the way he looks shocked at what he just said, I know it's a very sudden decision.

I scoff without any humor. "Sure," is all I say.

"No I am," he says, more set now.

"Didn't say you weren't," I turn back around to open the door but he grabs my wrist, turns me around and pulls me into a kiss.

I sink into it for a moment but then I pull back. "I can't, Tony." He doesn't look angry, but understanding. "Sorry, I just... yeah," he says, not knowing what to do.

I stare into the storm of his grey eyes for a little while. "How can you?" I ask him, suddenly.

He looks confused. "What?"

"How can you want to kiss me after what I did. How can you even look at me?"

His eyes soften and he takes my hand in his. He shakes his head. "I honestly don't know."

"Come with me," I say suddenly, shocking myself now.

"I thought we already made that clear," he half smirks, though it doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes are sad. Not a 'I dropped my ice cream" kind of sad but a deep sort of depression.

I let my head rest on his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist. "What about your mafia?" I ask him.

"They can come too," he says and I chuckle.

"Yeah, while we're at it, why don't we just bring all of America with us too," I respond sarcastically and now he's the one laughing.

"You're in charge now, Antonio. With Madeline gone, the Milieu is yours."

"What if I don't want it?" His words come out in a whisper and I pull back from his arms to look at him. I'm shocked at what he just said but I know that it's coming from somewhere deep inside of him, and not just a random thought.

"You're sure?"

"I... I don't know. It's not that I don't want to be in the mafia anymore or anything. I know I'm capable of running it, but... I don't know."

"It's a big choice Antonio. If you're really considering it then you have to think it through. Every aspect."

"Yeah, I know," he says and pulls me back into his arms.

I check the time and I realise I only have 10 minutes left to get to the church.

"I need to go now," I tell him.