I Heard Alois has a New Toy

Frayed Nerves

All of the little color I had left in my face was now completely drained. Curled up on the bathroom floor, I had just finished spewing out the rest of what was my small dinner. My sudden illness started almost the second I had returned to my room from that small chat I had with Sebastian. I had tried to eat the beef stew that was made to help me, but I couldn't keep anything down.

But I knew it wouldn't have helped anyway, this was not caused by a stomach bug or food poisoning. It was the building-up fear I had ever since Ciel had arrived here earlier this afternoon. My stomach had been twisting and turning ever since then, and after talking to Sebastian, it only got worse.

I wasn't ready to leave this house. This is my home now. It was a terrifying thought that anyone would try and take it away from me. I don't want history to repeat itself.

"Would you like some water, lady y/n?" Hannah asked me.

Claude had sent her to check on me after Ciel left. She found me already in the restroom.

"No, I'm alright," I replied to her.

"Y/n, you must stay hydrated in order to get better."

"I'm not interested in putting anything else in my body just for it to come back up again."

I hugged my knees tight to my chest to try and take the excruciating pain away. I needed a distraction to keep my mind off things, but Alois hasn't paid me a visit yet. Exhausted, I closed my eyes, but only for my intrusive thoughts to veer it's ugly head into my mind again.

With shaking legs I stood up. My knees buckled underneath me and I almost fell. Hannah had caught me by my side, putting her arm around my waist. This action only reminded me of the way Sebastian had caught me earlier. I pushed her off.

"I'm fine," I almost yelled.

Of course, I wasn't fine, but I didn't want anyone to touch me right then.

"Please, Hannah, leave me be. If it puts your mind at ease, leave the water on my bedside table."

Hannah then bowed at her waist and left my bedroom.

When I finally heard the click of the bedroom door, I decided to finally make my way out of the restroom. I kept the light on and the door opened slightly for if I needed to make another trip in there later.

My bedroom was dark. I hadn't known it was night already. There were glowing embers in the fireplace making it the perfect temperature for sleeping. Only I couldn't sleep yet. My mind was still running wild with anxiety and fear.

Still clenching my stomach with my arms crossed, I slowly made my way to my bedside table. I was actually very thirsty after today's events, but I would never let Hannah know that. Don't want to give her the satisfaction.

I poured myself a glass, but I ended up drinking straight from the pitcher. I was much more dehydrated than I anticipated. And Hannah was correct, I did need it. I felt much better than before. I'm not going to tell her that of course.

After almost drowning myself, I sat down at my windowsill, as I did every night. I looked at the ground where I had watched today's guests leave. When I was looking down at them, Sebastian somehow found my window and looked right up at me. That was when I really started feeling queasy.

In order for the memory to leave as soon as possible, I look up at the sky. It was almost completely clear out. A few clouds would pass by quickly, being carried by the harsh winter wind. It was a half-moon, but it was just as bright as it was each night here. I looked up into the stars and thought about what my mother had taught me about them. She told me about the different constellations and how people would use the stars to navigate through long journeys overseas.